Blueberry Filkins

Opinion post

2011-04-14T19:48:00.000-07:00

This statement has been borrowed by other people, and I'm doing the same because I really like what she had to say...

"Circumcision thrives on a culture of shaming silence, this is exactly why the fight to ensure genital integrity for all people must include the ability to discuss it. I understand that I am committing a grave social taboo by challenging circumcision,... this is exactly why I will continue to speak out. I will not be shamed into silence, the actions, motivations and damage done by the circumcisers will be brought into the light. I will not sit silently by and let my culture exploit infant amnesia. I understand why you are interested in shaming me into silence, it's because when you invested in the culture of circumcision, you thought you had a guarantee that your beliefs would be supported, and if not supported- at least not questioned. You made that deal, not me. I have no obligation to protect your investment." ~ Sarah Arnold Thompson See more

by: Cyneva Dalton-Vazquez

what in the world is happening?

2010-08-18T19:15:00.000-07:00

I probably shouldn't post such a personal story, but I'm utterly flabbergasted by the fact that we can't even have a conversation anymore without it turning into a fight. I know that my emotional state has caused a lot of tension in our house, but we're about to undergo a huge change. I'm more afraid of the transition to daycare than I was about having a baby in the first place...and this comes from someone who was afraid of babies. (Seriously, I'm NOT a baby fan.)

So we were on our evening walk and I was in a pretty good mood. I gave a little update on my emotional state (still uneasy about things but trying to stay positive), then I went on to tell Chris that I'm thinking about making a checklist for our morning and evening routines. I said that since laundry tends to take you by surprise if you don't keep up with it, I'd like to get in the habit of putting dirty clothes in a pillowcase and taking them downstairs every morning. Chris' response was that we (meaning *me*, but not in as many words) can't even put dishes in the dishwasher when it's wide open, that instead they end up on the counter next to the dishwasher. His response was that we should move the hamper clioser to the door. Right now it's sort of blocked into the corner by the crib that Gabe won't sleep in. I said that's fine, but it's not really the point, I'm trying to make sure the clothes get downstairs every morning. Chris kept pushing his point of view, and I felt very overruled. I told him one time that sometimes his arrogant streak goes a little off the deep end, and he told me not to hesitate to keep him in check. Problem is that when he's being arrogant, he's never wrong, if you know what I mean, so he's truly impossible to talk to.

I feel very disrespected right now. I feel like he doesn't even like me. I don't remember the last time he complimented me or made me feel good about myself. In fact, when we were laughing about someone who had a ridiculous breast augmentation, I said that since I had a c-section, there's no way I'd have surgery again to have my post-baby breasts "fixed". His response was that if he'd known about my one-surgery limit, he would have encouraged me to keep trying to have Gabe naturally. Nice, huh? How is something like that supposed to make me feel, even if it was a joke?

My latest vent session

2010-08-17T19:48:00.001-07:00

I wrote a post that I've decided is too personal to post. Yep...It's gotten to that point. I feel like I don't even know myself anymore...nor do I know my spouse. I feel like he can't stand me, and I don't know if he realizes how he hurts me with some of the things he says. I swear I'm trying to be optimistic, but the truth is that I'm freakin' scared. I think that getting used to this change that's about to take place (my transition back to work and Gabe's transition into daycare) is more difficult than bringing a whole new person into the world.

I want the happy Kelly back, although as some people would probably be happy to point out, I was never all that happy to begin with. (That's an opinion, mind you...and not mine.)

Unwanted change

2010-07-28T07:59:00.000-07:00

*Disclaimer* This post is full of very strong opinion that I'm sure not everyone will agree with, but this is how I feel, and nothing is going to change that. A lot of well-meaning folks assure me that "it's going to be ok," but to be honest, that only makes me feel worse.

Before Gabe was born, my feelings on kids were mixed. First of all, I wasn't really sure if I wanted kids at all. One of the reasons was that I didn't think it seemed right (on a lot of levels) to have kids and then send them off to be raised by someone else. I figured, What's the point? I won't see them all day and then I'll be too wiped out when I finally get home to want to do anything with them. My feelings have not changed. In fact, they have intensified, but I also see it from a completely different perspective...

I took a year off to be with Gabe. He arrived a few weeks early, only three days into the school year, so I actually got a little more time off than I anticipated, and Gabe is a few weeks older than we originally thought he'd be when we shipped him off to have someone else raise him, but even though he's a few weeks more mature than we thought he'd be, I don't feel any better about abruptly changing his routine from one that involves: 1) Getting up *when he's done sleeping*, 2) Spending most of his day with the person to whom he's most attached (me), 3) Going down for a nap *when he's tired* (and if we're in a situation in which he can't be put down for a nap at that precise moment, he's at least in the company of someone with whom he feels comfortable and safe) 4) Being nursed to sleep 5) Sleeping in a room that's quiet (except for the white noise of a fan) and dimly lit, and in a bed in which he's comfortable. In a few short weeks, he'll be getting up when the alarm goes off, spending 45 minutes in the car, getting dropped off at a huge daycare center where he'll spend the day in a room with 7 other kids and two adults, I have no clue how they'll deal with naptime, but even though they ask for a schedule and try to accommodate it "as best they can," there are only so many accommodations that can be made when one person is in charge of four children. They're certainly not going to nurse him to sleep...he's going to have to get used to taking a bottle, something he's only used a few times in his life. The room has fluorescent lighting and windows all around, and that's where he's expected to sleep.

To be honest, this seems like the equivalent of me, a fully grown, intelligent adult, having a trusted friend say, "we're going on a little trip" and then leaving me in Tokyo--a noisy place full of strange people speaking in strange voices. The only difference is that as an adult, I'd be able to figure out what to do. An almost one-year-old does not have that capacity. He will feel abandoned. And I am fully aware that "he'll get over it," "he'll be just fine," or "we did it and we turned out ok," but the point is, I don't feel like children should have to go through that. They exist because, supposedly, we wanted them in our lives, so why don't we work on raising the children we create? I'm not even saying that it's me who has to stay home with him...we have at least two friends I can think of who are stay at home dads. When there were some layoffs at Chris' job, I confessed to him that I didn't think it would have been all bad had he been laid off. I know Gabe would spend a lot more time in his exersaucer, on the floor, in his crib, or whatever, but at least he wouldn't be one of 8 kids in a room.

And yes, I do realize that kids need socialization. That's what happens when we, Gabe's parents, get together with our friends who have children. Is that not socialization?

I swear I'm trying to see the good in this, but to me, there is very little good. Every once in a while I get a rush of what I believe is simply HOPE that it will be ok.

The one thought I keep returning to is that if it's supposed to be such a good thing, why do I feel absolutely sick about it?

Nursing Harassment

2010-07-18T09:19:00.000-07:00

I have a friend named Jessamine. I have only known her for a few months, but from the first time I met her, I knew we'd be friends. She has two children and when I met her, she was pregnant with their third, and Hazel was born at the end of June.

Jessa's middle child, 4-year-old Ezra, had an accident with a bike and sustained a concussion on Friday night. Jessa took him to the emergency room at Women and Children's hospital in Buffalo NY, and while she was registering her son, she was nursing her daughter. The receptionist offered her a blanket. J said her baby was comfortable. The receptionist said no, for you to cover up with. J said that she is comfortable nursing in public. The receptionist said that there are children around. J said that she has a legal right to nurse in public. Receptionist said that the law protects her right to nurse, but says she has to cover up. J said that the receptionist was wrong, and that the conversation was over, at which time she went and found a seat in the waiting room.

As if she didn't have enough on her mind with her son's head injury being evaluated, she now had to worry about being harassed for providing nourishment to her TWO-WEEK-OLD baby.

I commented on two blog posts about this incident with a story of my own--we took G to Orlando when he was 8 months and I nursed him at four Disney parks, two Universal parks, and Sea World...and I was not harassed one time for what I was doing. Not that harassing a nursing mama is ever ok, but being harassed in the waiting room of a children's hospital? That's so much worse for so many reasons...

acknowledgement

2010-03-07T19:06:00.000-08:00

Instead of writing about how I'm feeling right now, I'm going to write about something that happened a few weeks ago...

I don't really remember what we were talking about, but Chris mentioned that he could never do what I do, meaning take care of Gabe all day, every day. Now, that's not entirely true because although he does some things differently, he could definitely do it, and would probably do it well. But the cool part of that statement, in my opinion, was that he seemed to recognize that what I do is very hard (any moms out there know this), and that it's not all that fun. Sure, babies are cute, especially mine (yes, I'm being facetious), but sometimes my "job" sucks.

It's not that I want to be worshipped, but it sure is nice to hear that he thinks I'm doing a good job...

convertible car seat

2010-02-19T13:24:00.000-08:00

Gabe is rapidly outgrowing his car seat. We currently use the Graco Snug Rider, which is good until he's 22lb and/or 29". Since I'm sure we're going to wake up one morning and discover that he no longer fits in his car seat, Chris and I just had a talk about what kind of convertible car seat we'll get. We need to get one that will be rear facing until he's 1 and then can turn around until he's 4. One of the car seats we've looked at is the Britax, and wouldn't you know it...today there's a giveaway on one, and I'M GONNA WIN! If you want to enter yourself, here's the link: http://babygoodbuys.com/2010/01/29/giveaway-britax-advocate-cs-convertible-car-seat-review-giveaway.html (Of course I would love to win this, but if someone needs it more than I do, I'd love for that to happen, too.)

Keep your fingers crossed for me, ladies!

Thanks, and hugs!
Kelly

eating and sleeping

2010-02-02T10:34:00.000-08:00

You know how it is--you want to keep a journal, whether it's about a vacation, about your job, about every day life...or about a new baby, but when you really want to write about something that's happening, you're too busy to do so. The very things you want to write about are the things that are keeping you busy! I'm finding that as Gabe approaches 5 months old, I've barely blogged/journaled about anything. I realized the other day when Chris and I were trying to remember when Gabe started sleeping with us that I haven't kept track of most of the changes that have happened. So once again, I'm vowing to try to make note of a few thins every day...

Today I gave Gabe a little more applesauce, but thinking that the flavor might be a little too tart for him, I made up some cereal and then put a little of both on the spoon at the same time. That seemed to cut some of the tartness. He still made some funny faces, but he acted like he wanted to keep eating.

Yesterday and today he woke up around 7:30, so I fed him and we both got up, but then he went down for a nap earlier than usual. He seems sleepier than usual the last couple of days. I've learned that he gets fussy when he gets tired, so when he starts to fuss, I just put him down and he usually goes to sleep. Occasionally he wakes up if his pacifier falls out, but if I put it in he usually falls asleep, and his naps are almost always one hour, give or take a couple minutes.

I kind of wonder what's "normal" for babies as far as naps are concerned. (I realize that there is no such thing as "normal," which is why I used quotes...some babies sleep through the night in their first month of life...some don't sleep through the night when they're 2 years old, but I guess I'm wondering what the average nap schedule is for a four-month-old). He is usually awake for around 1.5 hours and then sleeps for an hour, up for 1.5 hours, asleep for an hour. At night he wakes up two or three times to eat but almost always goes right back to sleep. I'm trying to use his nap time to get stuff done around the house, but since he wakes up at the tiniest little noise, I tend to try to keep it quiet or I'll do things upstairs so he can't hear me.

And speaking of getting things done, I'm going to take advantage of this nap time.

laughter

2010-02-01T10:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we were getting ready to give Gabe a bath.

Ok, apparently the rest of the story I wrote above didn't save...I'll have to retype.

We went into the bathroom and he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and let out a laugh. He has been laughing for a long time, but this was real belly laughter--so cute!

Gabe tried applesauce for the first time this afternoon. Not so sure he liked it...he made some awful faces!

Gabe in his Sabres hat

2010-01-27T14:56:00.000-08:00

This hat is way too big for him at this time, but since we don't really have another hat that fits him better, we put this on him when we go out. I think he likes it!

Link to a pic of Gabe

2010-01-26T17:16:00.001-08:00

I haven't offloaded pictures of Gabe in a while, but I did post one on Twitter, and I thought I'd put a link here for you to see. I'll post a pic directly to my blog as soon as I get the pictures in order.

http://twitgoo.com/cj9zl

Thank you so much for reading my blog. I'm truly honored!

My wish for Gabriel

2010-01-25T08:15:00.000-08:00

I entered a contest to win something from the Earth's Best web site. (This is so sad...it took me about 3 days to fill out the simple registration form, and now I don't remember what the prize is!) But anyway, they ask that you type up a wish for your child's future, so here's what I wrote:

We wish for you to grow up in a clean, green world where people remember the other two Rs: Reduce and Reuse! We want you to find value in the simple things rather than in material possessions, and to spread kindness and warmth to everyone you meet.

bad dog

2010-01-22T09:01:00.000-08:00

This has nothing to do with "Blueberry," but I just had to share what happened last night. I actually copied and pasted an email I sent to my mom since I'd write the same thing here (I'm lazy!). I added some comments in parentheses.

I got home last night and Xander (our black lab) had been tied up all day. We tie him so he can go into the mudroom our outdoors. (We started doing this after he started destroying the house...before that he was an indoor dog.) We have his crate out there and Chris put a pad in it and a blanket over it so it would be a little bit warm for X. When I got out of the car, he was barking like crazy (as usual), but when I got to the mudroom I saw that he had torn open a bag of grass seed and fertilizer, and messed with a few other things (it looks like he tried to pull his crate out the door, etc...).

At 3am when I was feeding Gabe, Xander was up, wandering around the house and being a royal pain, and I knew something was up. I got up and saw a mess on the bedroom floor...I'm guessing it was poo, but it was just a spot, not a pile. I went to the kitchen and found a puddle of "mystery goo"...mostly clear with some bits in it. I let him out and he pooped immediately. I'm guessing he was sick from something he got into. I swear, we can remove every object from his reach and he'd STILL find something to get into!

(The issues with our dog go back to last November, so I know the story is hard to follow. Questions are welcome for clarification.)

reality

2010-01-13T05:20:00.000-08:00

Reality is setting in, and with it seems to be an unhealthy dose of depression. Maybe calling it "unhealthy" is a bit of an exaggeration, as I'm still fully functional, I'm just overwhelmingly sad and feeling very inadequate.

Gabe got two shots yesterday, and although it clearly only hurt him for a second, I can't get his reaction out of my head. People say I need to toughen up because he's going to feel a lot of pain in his life, but that brings up two points: One is that to me, there's a difference between pain that's inflicted and pain that's the result of an injury. A couple years ago, my knee started acting up to a point where I could hardly walk, but I was more bothered by the blood work the doctor sent me in for to check for infection. And the truth is that it really wasn't painful, but I can't stand the idea (or the practice) of jabbing needles into helpless babies. It just seems so cruel. All night long I kept thinking about how Gabe jumped when they stuck him.

I also feel like a tremendous loser. Many people have babies and go back to work when they're six weeks old. I stay in bed with my four month old until he wakes up, which is sometimes after nine. How am I going to go back to work when I clearly can't function like a normal adult?

And that leads me to another issue about myself...why am I such a loser? I'm beginning to think I'm not good at anything. I'm OK at my job, but I'm pretty disorganized and scatterbrained, which has to drive people nuts. I'm disorganized at home, which has to drive Chris nuts. I like to make things, but nothing people would actually want, so there's not much of a chance that I'd ever be able to supplement my income with projects.

I really wish I could find my strength, but sometimes I feel like I don't have one. In fact, I've never felt weaker in my life. I just don't feel cut out for this new role. I love my son more than I ever thought possible, but I feel like a terrible mom, wife, and employee. I've always known I'm a bit "soft," but I didn't realize it would be such a debilitating characteristic when I became a mom.

naptime

2010-01-07T07:08:00.000-08:00

Gabe has fairly consistently started getting fussy around 10:00 (although sometimes it's closer to 9:30), and I discovered that what he really wants is a nap. I also discovered that when I put him down, he really doesn't like that, but the pacifier is like the off button--when I put it in his mouth, his whole body relaxes. After I put him in his bassinet, he makes adorable soft humming sounds. It's beautiful. I hate leaving him there because (does this sound stupid?) I miss him. I like having him in my arms and close to me all of the time.

It's nice to see patterns starting to emerge. I know that they can change just as quickly, but it's still kind of nice (albeit sad) to have my hands free for an hour or so in the morning. And I really should be doing something other than typing and answering e-mails...

milestones, vaccinations, emotions

2010-01-06T13:45:00.001-08:00

Gabe likes to sit up against the back of the couch...he's still not sitting unassisted, but he holds himself up in other ways very well! He also flings himself forward, and practically does pilates crunches sometimes! We've put him in the exersaucer and the jumper, but just for short periods of time. He's doing great!

Before the next topic, I thought I'd mention something I realized. A lot of the "popular" bloggers and twitterers seem to dwell on, possibly even obsess about one topic. Maybe that's what I have to do. Not that I'm going to become a world renowned blogger, but maybe I'll end up with more followers. Here's hoping...

Anyway, let's get to the emotions first... It seems like I've saved up all of my emotions for a year and they're all coming out at once. The last time I experienced uncontrollable crying was when Xander (the dog) started destroying the house four years after we got him. It was random...and very frustrating. One day at work I cried ALL DAY because I was so frustrated.

Since that day over a year ago, I've probably cried fewer than 10 times, and that includes 8 months of pregnancy, a c-section and subsequent birth of my child, the death of my grandfather and two pets, and then dealing with the holidays without my grandpa, cat, and dog. I knew that I wasn't going to do the typical vaccination schedule, but I didn't realize that the thought of Gabe getting any shots at all would push me off the deep end. The day before his two-month appointment (at which he did NOT receive all of the shots that they typically give--yeah!), I started crying, and I didn't stop until the day after that appointment. And as we approach his four-month appointment, I'm already crying again. But today I went and changed to a different doctor, so hopefully our experience with her will be better than our experiences with the doctor we went to for Gabe's first few appointments.

Oh, and why is it that people have to ask how his doctor's appointments went? I hate, HATE doctors. Always have. That's one of the reasons I was so excited about having a home birth (which didn't happen, but we don't need to go there right now). So when someone asks about his appointment, I first have to wonder what they really want to know. I'll tell everyone his height and weight--I post it on FB, Twitter, and my blog. But then they ask how he did with the shots. Really? What kind of question is that? Do they expect me to say something other than "He cried"? So thanks a whole lot for making me recall the fact that I let them hurt my son. You've been warned...thanks for respecting that!

curls

2010-01-05T11:00:00.000-08:00

It looks like Gabe's hair is getting long enough that it's starting to curl. It looks a little unruly at times, but it's darn cute!

naptime

2010-01-04T10:07:00.001-08:00

As Gabe has grown, he's gotten a lot more comfortable being on his own, and he's even started napping in his bassinet! I kind of miss holding him all of the time, but it's good to see that he's able to survive without me for an hour or so.

I have worries about putting him in daycare, even though that won't be for another 6 months or so. The fact that he can fall asleep on his own makes me feel a little better about leaving him in the care of someone else while I'm at work.

cradle cap

2009-12-21T19:58:00.000-08:00

Gabe has had a lot of those typical baby issues that most babies go through...the acne, the spitting up, and the cradle cap, among others. The cradle cap has lasted a while. Last week, some of the scales started to flake off, and I "helped" them by picking at them. I didn't go after them like crazy, I just loosened the ones that looked like they were ready to come off and then I brushed them away. He's almost completely cleared up except for a little section around his soft spot, and I'm just going to let that part come off when it's ready.

He's holding his head up really well now, and he loves to look around.

Tomorrow we're going to my school for a Christmas luncheon, which I'm looking very forward to. I really miss some of the people I work with. I'm a little worried that everyone will want to hold Gabe, which doesn't please me. Heck, I don't even want our family members to hold him! (I'm not kidding, either. I'm very content spending most of my time with him and being completely responsible for him. After all, he is my child, and I had him because we wanted him, not because we wanted to please other people.) But anyway, I think it will be fun to get out and see some of my friends.

I was going to say something else, but I'm typing on my phone, which takes a while, so by the time I finish a sentencee, I forget what I wanted to say!

I was going to see if I could post a picture, but I guess I can't do that from my phone.

puke

2009-12-18T11:23:00.000-08:00

Gabe is quite the spitter upper, but nothing compares to what he did last night. I usually sit in bed and feed him sometime between 10 and 12. Last night he got done and spit up a tiny bit before I could put him up to my shoulder to burp him (which is common for him), then just as I sat him upright, he puked ALL OVER me. I'm not exaggerating. I should have taken a picture to prove it. The entire front of my shirt was covered, as was the top of my pajama pants (which soaked through to my underwear), part of my pillow, the sheets on either side of me, and part of the bedspread (although I think the stuff on the bedspread might have been transferred from my clothes. Seriously, I took my clothes off (which resulted in some puke on my face and in my hair) and they were actually heavy because of all of the vomit on them. Sorry if I went into too much detail here, but I've NEVER seen so much puke come out of such a little person! And after that ordeal, he was smiling as Chris wiped him up and put him in his swing while we changed the sheets, and then he went to sleep!

holding his head up

2009-12-16T13:59:00.000-08:00

Gabe has been holding his head up for a long time, but he's gotten REALLY good at it in the last week or so. He loves to look around, and it's so cute to watch him do that. If he's looking at something, I find myself just holding him there so he can stare, no matter how uncomfortable I am (this kid is heavy!) or how busy I am

When I take a shower, I strip him down and give him "naked time" to help prevent diaper rash, and when I was getting him dressed, I tickled him and he laughed!

3 months

2009-12-14T11:58:00.000-08:00

I'm coming to terms with the fact that I suck at keeping up with my blog. Every day as a temporary stay-at-home mom is different, and I can't seem to get in the habit of blogging. Grr.

Gabe is clearly focusing on and reaching for objects now. He loves to look in the mirror, and when he does, he smiles and laughs. He's a morning person--his smile in the morning is HUGE! When I take a shower, I strip him down and prop him up in his boppy pillow, where he's perfectly content the whole time I'm in the shower.

I've realized that when we're shopping, people stop in their tracks to look at babies. We took him to McKinley Mall with us yesterday to do some Christmas shopping, and one lady said to her husband, "Aww, look at the baby!" when they walked by. A guy walked by and then looked back so he could see into the carrier, then he just kept staring (he was walking forward, but looking down and slightly backwards, and I was waiting for him to run into something)! Of course, the proud mommy in me wants to think that our baby is just so cute that he makes people stop and stare, but I'm pretty sure that people would do the same for any baby.

I'm going a little crazy hearing the same phrases over and over, such as "They grow so fast!" (just think, if they don't grow, either there's a medical condition or you're neglecting your child). Or pretty much any of those generalizations about babies...I feel like people are talking down to me when they say stuff like that...like I don't know what I'm doing, so I need to be schooled on the inner workings of babies. But let me tell ya, for "not knowing anything," I've managed to do a pretty fine job with him. He's thriving and he's smiling, and most of what I've done to get him to this point, I've figured out myself.

Oh, one more thing that's different...diapers. He used to poop throughout the day, but lately he's just been going once in the morning, and that one is always HUGE! So huge, in fact, that half of it ends up outside of his diaper and soaking into his clothes. We've been putting him in disposables at night b/c we don't have enough cloth diapers for nighttime, but I may end up putting him in cloth diapers for his early morning changes so the big poop ends up in one of them. I know it's probably surprising to some people, but those blowouts don't happen nearly as often when he's in cloth! I'm hoping Santa brings a few more cloth diapers for Christmas! ;)

11 Weeks

2009-11-28T13:56:00.000-08:00

So much for trying to keep up with Gabe's daily developments... Guess I'll just have a little catching up to do.

In the last week or so, he's really gotten good at putting his hand in his mouth. He sucks on his fingers quite a bit. He's also gotten a lot stronger and can hold his head up for longer periods of time. He still has a ways to go in order to be able to "officially" hold his head up.

co-sleeping is going well. We've gotten a lot of crap from a lot of people about such a sleeping arrangement, but once I discovered that we're all a lot happier and at least Gabe and I sleep a lot better when we're in the same bed, I decided that I'm not going to let other people guilt me into putting him in a cradle or crib. When some of my friends suggested co-sleeping (or asked whether or not I would do it), I scoffed. No way, I thought! But here I am, co-sleeping and loving it!

I've thought about a few of the other decisions I've made and have realized how happy I am with those decisions. Breastfeeding is going extremely well, although I'm kind of annoyed that it seems like EVERYONE wants to know if that's what we're doing. To be honest, it's not something I prefer to discuss with family or random strangers. It's fine among the online community, as I don't actually "know" most of the people I "talk to" online. I do have to admit, though, that I'm pretty proud to say that Gabe has never had a single drop of formula! Yeah!

I'm also happy that we didn't have him circumcised. I just don't understand this ritualistic torture of newborns. It's ridiculous. And every day I'm more and more thankful that I didn't commit that crime. Go me!

The third thing I'm happy about is our success with cloth diapers. If I had just a few more cloth diapers, I'd be able to get through two days and nights without using any disposables, but unfortunately, as it sits right now, we use two disposables every night. Still better than using them all of the time, though! (So if anyone hears of any more contests to win cloth diapers, let me know...I'm going to keep trying!)

And now, I have a crying baby who I imagine wants to eat...again.

grandpa's funeral

2009-11-21T02:21:00.000-08:00

This weekend is grandpa's funeral. Last night was the wake. While I'm very sad, I was surprised that I didn't cry. I have a feeling that I'm just numb at this point. I'm not sure when (if)the emotion will come out. To be honest, I hope I don't get overly teary at the church later today. I hate crying in front of people. It's especially hard to see my sweet grandmother so upset. They were married over 60 years, and still loved each other very much. I don't really know what else to say, but I feel fortunate that this wonderful man was my grandpa, and I will always cherish the memories I have of him.

Reaching.

2009-11-18T12:44:00.000-08:00

Gabe is (obviously) growing and changing so much every day. (I say 'obviously' because that's generally what babies do...if I hear "They grow so fast" one more time, I'm going to puke.) Anyway, I've done a terrible job of keeping track of milestones, so starting today I hope to blog something that he's done each day.

Today I had him in his Boppy pillow in his bassinet, and I had a butterfly toy dangling near him. Now let's step back for a sec so I can explain something...whenever I change his diaper, I give "Naked Time," during which I let him "air out" under a blanket for a while. If he's in a good mood (and he usually is), naked time can last half an hour, and during that time, I will talk, sing, or dangle toys in front of G to entertain him. I try to get him to reach for the toy I hold out for him. So today when he was in the Boppy, he was staring at the butterfly, then he reached for it. Now, I realize it could have been lucky hand placement on his part, so I'll have to see if he does it again next time he's in there.

Grandpa

2009-11-18T12:32:00.002-08:00

Sad news to report...my Grandpa passed away last evening. He had a stroke in July and spent time in the hospital, then went to a nursing home because there was no way my Grandma (who is disabled from having polio as a child) would have been able to take care of him. Thankfully he was able to meet Gabe when G was almost 3 weeks old. The viewing will be Friday and the funeral is Saturday. It will be so sad to say goodbye, but it will also be a celebration of the life of a great, great man.

New Phone

2009-11-16T18:02:00.000-08:00

I got a new phone that lets me do internet "stuff", so maybe that will mean more frequent blog updates!

Gabe's smile

2009-10-31T07:27:00.000-07:00

Gabe was practicing his smile the other day and I was taking pictures. I got a few cute ones, but this one makes me laugh every time I look at, so I'm sharing it with everyone!

7 weeks, and a picture from 9/26/09

2009-10-30T16:23:00.000-07:00

Man, my blog is really falling apart! I so appreciate the people who still read it despite the sporadic manner with which I've been posting! I'm kind of mad at myself because I really wish I'd be better about documenting the little milestones in Gabe's life, but I'm also finding that it's hard to hold him and type a blog entry at the same time. I still don't put him down much, which might be bad, but I don't really care! He's still young, and as he gets older, I'm working on putting him down a little more each day. Problem is that when I put him down, it's usually not long before he cries to be picked up. He's such a sweet baby, though, and has so few demands. He really only ever cries if he wants to be held or if he's hungry, and darn it, I'm going to give him what he wants. After all, this time is going to pass so quickly, and when he's older, I'm going to be glad I held him instead of letting him cry as I cleaned the kitchen.

I have to say, I never fancied myself much of a baby person, but this little guy has turned me into one! I love, love, love him more than words can say.

Here's a picture from 9/26/09, when he was just a couple weeks old. I took it with the camera that Chris usually uses, so he offloaded that batch of pictures and I didn't even see them until a couple weeks later. (Let me digress for a moment: We had our bathroom redone in the summer, and we put up a shelf that we said we'd put pictures of the baby on when he/she arrived.) Now that you know the back story, I'll tell you about this picture you'll see below. I said that since we're decorating a bathroom, we should put bath pictures in there, but weren't sure that bath pictures would be very exciting. Then Chris told me that one of the bathtime pictures was really good and definitely frameworthy. After I saw this picture, I have to agree:

Gabe's First Sabres Game

2009-10-17T11:31:00.000-07:00

Chris and I are huge fans of the Buffalo Sabres hockey team. Last night we had the opportunity to take Gabe to his first game. We thought long and hard about whether or not it was a good idea--What about germs? What about the noise? What about the crowds? What about getting from the car to the arena and back? (It was rainy/snowy and cold.) What about feeding and diapering?

Well, we decided that we could handle it all. We'd limit our contact w/others & wash our hands (note to self--get hand sanitizer for diaper bag, just as an extra safety measure). Hockey games are quiet compared to other sports, but I forgot to account for 3 things--the music, the enthusiastic announcers, and the cheering crowds, because Buffalo is Hockeytown, and our fans are very into the game!! Crowds--we ventured out at the end of intermission when the area was a little clearer. & that worked fine. Getting to & from the arena, we bundled him up in fleece & Chris carried him in a sling--he was very comfy. We changed & fed him in the family bathroom, then he was still hungry when we got back to our seats, so I fed him again. Nothing like nursing surrounded by upwards of 18,000 people!

Gabe slept through the first period. We changed/fed him during 1st intermission/beginning of 2nd period. He was wide awake for the rest of the game, & had a snack during 2nd intermission. We got him bundled back up when we had a few minutes left in the 3rd period, and we followed the crowds out. It was fantastic!!!

Please ignore my multiple chins in this picture....

AND THE SABRES BEAT THE ISLANDERS 6-3!!!

Win GroBaby hybrid diapers from The Cloth Diaper Whisperer

2009-10-09T17:05:00.000-07:00

I'm on a mission to try out all kinds of cloth diapers, so I'm entering every contest I can find. In order to get extra entries, you can blog about the giveaways, so here's my plug for the contest I'm entering now!

The winner will receive "hybrid" diapers from GroBaby. http://www.theclothdiaperwhisperer.com/2009/10/fluff-friday-50-2-giveaways.html

I should also mention that I love this blog. I have a million questions about cloth diapering, and this site has helped me out a lot. Example: I'm kind of nervous about washing the diapers, so I looked in the list of labels and found a "Washing Cloth Diapers" category where I was able to read all about washing! A couple posts even had step by step instructions--so helpful for someone like me!!! So if you're interested in cloth diapering, definitely visit this blog! http://www.theclothdiaperwhisperer.com/

So much to say after one month of motherhood!

2009-10-07T16:43:00.000-07:00

Gabe will be one month old on Thursday, 10/8 and I think I'll celebrate by attempting to blog about some of the hundreds of thoughts floating around in my head. I may even just start out by listing the things I want to blog about, as each item on my list could have a blog entry of its own...

1) The birth did NOT go as planned. In fact, it was the complete opposite of what I wanted. However, our son is beautiful and healthy, and that's what really counts...however, people try to downplay my feelings about the birth I was hoping for, and that's not right. If I had to choose between a healthy baby and the perfect birth, of course I'd choose the healthy baby (obviously, b/c that's exactly what I did), and thankfully I came out of the experience without falling into a depression, which I kind of expected. That's something people also downplay--the mental health of a new mother, especially if the birth doesn't go the way she wanted it to. They think she's being selfish when she truly doesn't have control over those "bad" emotions. (See, I told you that each topic could have a blog entry of its own!) I'll get off my soapbox and move on to other topics...

2) Chris stayed home with us for two weeks, and that was awesome! It was really nice being able to bond as a family like that!

3) Gabriel has gotten to meet lots of people. He met my parents, some of my coworkers, my aunt and uncle, my in-laws, and on one very special day, he met all three of my grandparents. We just found out that my grandfather, who had a stroke in July, has a tumor the size of a lemon in his throat. He is quite frail and is in a nursing home, so it was extra special that he got to meet Gabe.

4) I dread nighttime. No, I'm not afraid of vampires, but I'm completely rotten at taking care of a child at night. I've always been the type to sleep at nighttime. I don't even go out to parties and such that would keep me out late. A few years ago I went out with my friend Kathi. We went bar hopping in Buffalo after a Sabres game and ended up hanging out with a bunch of Sabres players. I met Ryan Miller (goalie for the Sabres) and everything. I got home at 5am. The next day was ROUGH! Especially because I can't seem to sleep past 8am, even if I'm out until 5am. So anyway, having a baby who is a bit of a night owl has been rough on mama. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I dread nighttime. I'm actually a little afraid of it, and I think I figured out that what I "fear" is the isolation. Chris is sleeping...everyone else I know is sleeping...the house is chilly...and I'm awake with a (sometimes cranky) baby when my body is saying SLEEP! I'm not tired in the daytime. I'm not even really that tired when I first go to bed at night. But in the wee hours of the morning, I AM tired, and I'm having a really difficult time with that. And this kind of leads into another topic...

5) Sleeping arrangements. My aunt and uncle let us borrow the cradle that my cousin used when he was little. That's in our bedroom now. However, when we were still in the hospital, I saw Gabe spit up a couple times and choke on it, and it scared the living hell out of me. So when we got home, I was terrified to put him in the cradle. I know it's awful, but if I did manage to fall asleep, I did it while sitting up and holding Gabe. We've tried a few other solutions, but what seems to work best is that Gabe sleeps on my chest. We both actually seem to get some sleep when we do it that way! I'm slowly trying to increase the amount of time I leave him in his swing or bassinet, but for now, he's little, and that's what works.

Hello Blog, long time no see!

2009-10-06T11:54:00.000-07:00

I'm realizing that I'm neglecting my blog, but one might say I have a good reason for that!

I've been researching a bunch of things and I'm realizing that I should be blogging about the topics! I rely on other people's blogs for information about things like baby products, so I figure maybe I should blog about some of the products that I've "discovered" and write about why I chose to buy them. At the moment I'm looking for a carrier for Gabe. I have two sling type carriers and I'm not sure Gabe likes them. They kind of scrunch him up, and I think he'd prefer to stay more upright. I have a hard time carrying him like that.

I found a Jeep brand carrier on Craigslist for $20 and I think I'm going to see if Chris will stop and look at it on his way home from work one day. (What am I saying, I know he'll stop--he never, ever, ever complains about making stops like that after work.) I'll let you know if we get the sling and how it works for us!

3 weeks

2009-09-29T14:26:00.000-07:00

Finding time to blog...or to do, well, ANYTHING with a newborn seems nearly impossible, but I thought I'd at least share a current pic of Gabriel. He's 3 weeks old today and weighs 8lb 9oz.

A few pictures

2009-09-12T14:48:00.001-07:00

Took a few pics today--thought I'd share:

Chilling on Daddy's lap:

Napping with Daddy:

Looking so content on Daddy's chest:
Flowers my Grammy sent me:
Flowers from the Faculty Association at my school:

BIG UPDATE!!!

2009-09-10T08:59:00.000-07:00

Not much time right now, so I'll get right to the point.

Gabriel Christopher
9/8/09
6:30pm
6lb 8oz
19"

Blueberry has a bed!

2009-08-19T06:53:00.000-07:00

Actually, within the last week, Blueberry has gotten TWO beds! One is a cradle that my aunt is letting us borrow--that's in the bedroom and we're going to plan on keeping it in there for a while--but we'll see how noisy this kid is first and whether he/she keeps us up at night!

Then was the milestone--the crib. We were talking about getting a used one, but most of the used ones we saw were pretty roughed up, and at the risk of sounding a little snobby, we really wanted something a little newer and nicer, so we ended up buying one that converts to a toddler bed, a day bed, and all the way up to a full size adult bed. It arrived yesterday and Daddy got right to work setting it up. It was one of the cutest things I've ever seen. And I took pictures!

Here he is with the first part of it...

Here it is almost finished, before we made some adjustments...
A triumphant Chris with the crib he built--he didn't even have to drink while he was putting it together (although I'm sure we both let slip a few expletives--the directions were horrible!)
The bedding hasn't been washed yet, so I didn't actually make the bed, but I did set some of the stuff in it to see what it looked like. This is the bedding that my coworkers gave me at the surprise shower. I was so happy to finally be able to take it out of the package!
Here's the diaper stacker tied to the end of the crib. The pattern is called Bunny Meadows, and it's organic!

More dreams

2009-08-16T10:28:00.000-07:00

I don't think I've been doing too much dreaming, but the last two weekends I've had dreams that I remember, at least a little bit.

Last week I had a couple of dreams about cats, both in the same night. They were pleasant dreams, although I don't really remember them now. I think they had to do with my own cats, who are cute little things, so the dreams made me happy. There are several interpretations for dreams about cats, and some aren't so great (they have to do with deceit, etc...), but I prefer to go with the interpretation that says cats stand for femininity, power, and prosperity.

Last night I had dreams about water. I remember having several dreams, although at the moment I can only remember one where I was in a boat with Chris and some other people (don't remember who they were), and we were very happily riding along. I know that the water was clear and calm. Clear water represents clarity in life and in thinking, so I think that's a good interpretation, too.

Entering another contest to win cloth diapers! (www.theclothdiaperwhisperer.com)

2009-08-14T13:12:00.000-07:00

So I'm entering another contest to win some cloth diapers. I'm completely overwhelmed with all of the cloth diapering choices and even the terminology that's used in the cloth diapering community, so I figure what I need to do is win some diapers that I can try out, then I can start deciding what I'm going to use for sure. A couple of people (my MIL and my friend Tina) kindly gave me gDiaper starter kits--kind of an eco friendly cloth/disposable hybrid, and my MIL also gave me some of the plain ol' diapers that I registered for. (Thank you!) (Those diapers have many, many uses!)

But there seem to be a hundred different options for the "all-in-one" diapers, and they're very, very expensive! So I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that I win some cloth ones to try out, and when I win (I'm thinking optimistically here!), I will definitely write about my experience with them.

Here's the contest I'm entering this week: http://www.theclothdiaperwhisperer.com/2009/08/fluff-friday-42.html I could win THREE FuzziBunz diapers with inserts. Fingers crossed!

Thinking of doing a giveaway!

2009-08-14T09:18:00.000-07:00

The other day I got a package in the mail from Method--they make cleaning products that are free of harsh chemicals and not tested on animals--two things that are very important to me. Inside were some little boxes that contain sample size bottles of some of their different products. They asked that I distribute the boxes to friends and family to help spread the word about the products, and I started thinking about who I'd give them to. Then it hit me--I have some great friends on my blog and on Twitter! So I think I'm going to do a giveaway on my blog. Maybe I'll do one on this blog and one on my Circular Logic blog...I'm not sure yet! Stay tuned for details, and bear with me, because this will be my first giveaway!

Monday's zoo trip

2009-08-13T04:12:00.001-07:00

I guess that our zoo trip kind of belongs on the Blueberry blog because the cutest part of the day has to do with the person who is the father of my child. :)

Monday morning I rode to work with Chris. He leaves at 6:30! I've been getting up with him at 5:30 every morning even though I haven't been working every day because I just like that time with him. Plus, I can get a jump on making messes around the house when I'm up early. (Seriously, when I'm home all day, the house is messier than it was when I got up. If Chris is home, I walk into a clean house.) So we got to work at a little after 7:30 (and I got to experience the morning commute into the city of Buffalo--scary!) and I chatted up a few of Chris' coworkers who have been wondering how I'm doing. They don't really know me, but they know a lot about me! Then I went over to the library and wasted some time until my parents got to the zoo.

I wasn't sure how early my parents would be getting to the zoo with the boys. Normally they're crack of dawn people who are waiting at the entrance gate waiting for things to open (the zoo, the fair, Home Depot, whatever...), so I figured they'd be at the zoo right at 10 when it opened. There were bad thunderstorms (and a tornado) in the area the night before, so some roads were blocked off (and some washed away completely) so I didn't know if they'd be held up or if they might decide to leave a little later to give time for the crews to pump the roads and stuff. I got a message from my mom saying that their ETA to the zoo according to their GPS was 10:22.

Chris was planning on leaving work early to come to the zoo with us, but 10:22 was way too early for him to be able to leave, especially during a week this busy, so he told me to take the car and drive to the zoo, about a mile away. (EEK! Me? Drive in the city???) He said he'd walk over when he could escape. So I took the car and found my way (thanks to the good directions from C!) and there were my parents and the nephews sitting in the car in the parking lot, waiting for me to get there.

We walked around and saw some of the exhibits. Trey, the middle child (age 5), who is normally bubbly and silly as all heck, was kind of grumpy. He wouldn't let me take pictures or anything. We came upon a picnic area that was nice and shady and the boys said they were getting hungry, so the timing was good. We stopped and pulled out the food we had packed, and Trey and Caleb (age 4) rode the little train that was right next to the picnic area. (Every time they came around and I tried to take a picture, Trey turned his back--I was really beginning to wonder what was up with him!)

Time to take a break for some pictures!

Does this remind you of the AT&T ad? (More bars in more places.)
Trey wouldn't pose for this picture, but Nate and Caleb did. We went inside and were able to see two big giraffes and a baby giraffe, then we were looking inside a cage that housed doves and some weird little animals that looked a lot like woodchucks, but they ran really fast and climbed trees. The boys were so interested--they were observing and asking questions and behaving really well--then a bunch of people came in with a crew of kids who were making screeching sounds, which echoed in that big concrete building--that had to be so disturbing to the animals!!! I was kind of disappointed to see these kids' lack of manners, but I guess that's what you can expect when you go to a place like a zoo!
Here's Caleb eating a blue sno cone...
Caleb and Nate showing off their blue tongues. Trey wouldn't pose...again. He had a blue tongue, too...

Last year I took the cutest picture of the three of them sitting on this fountain. That day it was completely dry, which I thought was really weird since we had storms and flooding the day before (and when I say flooding, I'm talking "Governor declared a state of emergency" flooding!). But I still had them pose there for a picture.
After we ate lunch, Chris called me and said that he was out of work and on his way to the zoo. We met up when he got in (we had left a guest pass at the gate for him) and suddenly it was as if my Mom, Dad, and I didn't exist! This was pretty much the view for the rest of the day--the boys hanging all over Chris as they dragged him to different exhibits. He was like the pied piper... (See why I thought this story was so cute? He's so amazing with kids!)
I'm not a huge fan of taking pictures of animals at the zoo, but some were just too cute or too interesting to not take pictures of, like these three little ducks who just looked like they were posing for the camera.
For some reason, the boys were VERY interested in seeing the hyenas, and we had already seen them before Chris got there, but we were kind of close to them after we left one of the other exhibits, and Trey said, "Hey, there's the hyenas, let's show chrissem." We were looking at each other going "chrissem? What's he talking about?". Finally we realized that he wanted to show Chris the hyenas--"Let's show Chris 'em." Ok, so we need to work on his grammar a bit, but we couldn't help but chuckle for a few reasons--1) his excitement about the hyenas, 2) his desire to show Chris after not talking to us all day, and 3) (of course), his choice of words.

We came across a huge bird bath and wanted to get a picture of the boys in front of it. Of course, Trey wouldn't pose...unless Chris was in the picture with him! So this is the first time I saw Trey smile all day! Could they be any cuter?
Chris even got Trey to go into the lorikeet exhibit. Last year when we took them to the zoo, Chris wasn't there, and when I took the kids through (where the birds are pretty much loose and they can fly right up to you), Trey had a WORLD CLASS freak out in there. It was one of those situations where you felt really bad for him because he was so scared, but the whole time you were trying not to laugh because it was hysterical. After the lorikeets, we went into the petting zoo where Trey petted a goat! That's a HUGE improvement over last year--he was like a whole different kid!

Playing "Aunt Kelly" this week

2009-08-12T11:15:00.000-07:00

Our oldest nephew, Nate, is here for the week, so my blogging time is limited. Not that I'm very good about blogging anyway, but at least this week I have an excuse! He's 8 years old, and he may be getting past the age where it's fun to spend the week with his aunt, because he's talking about being bored and wanting to go home early.

I'll blog when possible and include pictures, I'm sure, although I'll probably put those blogs on my daily life blog (Circular Logic) and not in my Blueberry blog since this isn't really a Blueberry topic.

Toot toot!

2009-08-07T13:23:00.001-07:00

I forgot to mention something funny that happened last night. I went to a friend's house to watch a movie. There were three of us girls chatting and eating in the basement. (Christine has two sons, Marieanne has one daughter and is "newly pregnant" with her second.) I realized that I can't concentrate on more than two things at one time... Concentrating on the conversation and the fact that I felt like I was going to let one rip was fine, but as soon as I discovered the little playhouse in the corner and found myself wondering whether the stars and moons painted on the top glowed in the dark (while still concentrating on the conversation), that third thing slipped from my mind. What was it? Oh yeah, trying not to toot in front of my friends. So I let it slip. And it was audible. And pretty funny, if I do say so myself. Now, it helps being around people who have had kids because they've been there before, and to be honest, I wasn't all that embarrassed about it. (After all, here I am posting it on my blog for the world to see!)

Car games for kids

2009-08-07T04:55:00.000-07:00

I was reading my daily e-mail from www.idealbite.com and started thinking about what fun it's going to be as we raise our family. (Before I get into that topic, I have to say that the Ideal Bite e-mails are awesome--they're short little snippets of facts about the environment and simple things you can do to lower your negative impact on the world--little tips on reducing waste, picking sustainable products, etc... It's done with humor and wittiness and artsiness, and I highly recommend signing up for the daily e-mails. It won't take you a lot of time to read them, and you'll learn something new--and probably useful--every day!)

So anyway, today's topic was family car trips and how you can keep kids occupied without buying expensive and wasteful handheld games. The tip of the day says this: "If 10,000 Mama Biters* play 20 Questions with their kids in the car instead of buying them the new handheld electronic 20 Questions game, we'll ultimately keep the weight of almost six Toyota Priuses in plastic out of landfills." (*Mama Biters are people who subscribe to the Mama Bite e-mail. The whole idea of the site is that you get a little "bite" of information each day---and not whole articles or chapters of stuff that you certainly don't have time to read!) I also love how they put the tips in terms of something tangible. I mean, just from this tidbit, think of how much 6 cars would weigh. Now imagine that weight made out of handheld video games (or McDonald's happy meal toys, or other stupid plastic crap that people buy to entertain their kids, and that I have certainly bought for my nephews in the past). That's a lot of waste!!! And the e-mail I got today made suggestions for activities to do in the car that don't generate waste....

It suggested things like:
Car Bingo--print off Bingo cards on scrap paper and have kids look for things like cows, trains, planes, windmills, etc... I'd let them make up their own cards full of ideas so they can think of things they'll probably see along the way. (Building those higher order thinking skills at an early age!)

License Plate Game--Print off a list of states and see how many of those states they can find cars from. (I've wanted to play this game myself!)

Alphabet game--Go through the alphabet and try to find words on billboards and signs starting with each letter of the alphabet. First one to Z wins!

20 Questions, ISpy, etc...--trying to get others in the car to guess what you're thinking.

There's a game we played in England that was really cool and great at getting you to think. Mark blurted out "three letters, starts with A" when we were in the car, I think it might have been on our way home from Cambridge. Once I learned the rules of the game, I realized what an ingenious game it is. The "guesser" has to ask a question (cleverly worded, if possible) to the person who came up with a question. (we'll call him/her the "quizzer"). So for example, the guesser would say, "Did they invade my picnic last week?" Now the ball is in the other person's court...he or she must guess what word the guesser is referring to by saying something like, "It's not ant." The guesser asks another question, such as, "Am I sitting on it?" and the quizzer says "It's not ass." The guesser asks, "Did I put it through my sleeve when I got dressed this morning?" and the quizzer says, "Yes, it's arm." So the quiz works both ways, and it's really, really fun. Maybe a little too advanced for small children, but it's something that Chris and I kind of forget to play. I should make up a list of three-letter words to use--the game is extra-complicated when you consider just how many three-letter words there are in the English language!

And all of these games can be played with little to no impact on the environment. Car rides will still be long and boring, especially for little kids, but it's amazing how far a little conversation and learning can take you! Chris and I communicate well with each other, so I really hope we can share that with our kids as they grow. :)

Anonymous blogging

2009-08-05T09:47:00.000-07:00

Something dawned on me while I was reading the His Boys Can Swim blog the other day--as much as I would LOVE to know who the couple is (I have a feeling we'd get along quite well!), I realize how smart they are to have kept their identities a secret. Now, of the 7 readers on my blog, I only know a couple of them, and they seem to "get me" even though they don't know me. They're very nonjudgmental and let me say anything I want to say, even if it comes across in a nasty way. (They seem very aware that sometimes we just need to vent!) But then I consider the subscribers I know, and the other folks who may be reading the blog but may not subscribe to it (by the way, come on, people--don't lurk, participate!), I find that I censor myself. One reason is that I don't want to offend people--I know I can be very critical of other people's actions, especially when it comes to environmental irresponsibility and selfishness, and about other things, too, but I'd rather hold my tongue than to hurt someone I love, so that's what I do.

Another thing is that I'm a private person. (Which kind of makes me wonder why I have a blog!) There are some topics, like breastfeeding, for example, that I do NOT want to discuss with my family. Or what if one of my students is reading my blog--do THEY want to know about things like that? Could I get in trouble if a student says to his or her parent, "Guess what I read about Mrs. Filkins?" Not that I'd put anything really nasty on my blog, but still, there's a lot of weird stuff that goes along with being pregnant, and knowing that stuff about someone else can just make the relationship weird.

Now, oddly enough, I don't have a problem discussing these topics with strangers, and sometimes with friends who have young kids, because they're going through it right now, or have gone through it in the very recent past. I wish I could figure out what it is that makes me think and feel the way I do. Why can I so readily accept advice from one person but not from another? Does it depend on whether the advice is unsolicited or not? Is it that I feel judged or scolded when a friend or family member makes a suggestion for how I should be doing something? Is it that I'm more likely to accept advice from like-minded people vs. from people who are very different from me?

Actually, as I think of it, that last one seems kind of true. I mean, why would I accept environmental advice from someone who doesn't even recycle? Or why would I accept health advice from a smoker? Now, I don't claim to be a baby expert, but I have a pretty good idea about how things should be done, but I'm certain that I'll be more inclined to accept advice from someone who has parenting philosophies similar to my own. (Or I should say OUR own, because although Chris and I don't agree on everything, we have discussed many of the important things, and I know that we'll work great as a TEAM!)

So back to the subject of this blog--making it anonymous. I think I'd censor myself less if I were to have an anonymous blog. I guess in a way I DO have an anonymous blog--I've been blogging for years on a different web site and I keep all of my entries private, but I've only used that site a handful of times since I've been pregnant. I have to admit, I've done a sucky job of documenting this pregnancy, mostly because I don't like being the center of attention in my family or community.

I realize more and more everyday what a weirdo I am!

Observations on things I've heard/read

2009-08-04T08:23:00.000-07:00

I've been pondering a few things I've heard and/or read over the last few days...

First, when I told someone that we don't know what we're having, she said that she thinks you love the baby more when you don't know what you're having. I know some people might think it's terrible or wrong to say that, especially those who did or do know what they're having, but I think that, in a way, she's right, at least for the first child (because with a second child, I think a lot of people hope to have a child of the opposite gender of their first child). I truly don't care what we have. I do have strong girl feelings, but it's not because I WANT a girl, it's just the vibe I'm getting. But I wonder what my emotion will be if, when the baby is born, we discover that it's a boy. Will I be disappointed? Surprised? Relieved (because I still don't have girl names, although I'm not 100% sure of the boy names I like, either!)? I just don't know how you can wish that you have a child of a particular gender, especially for the first child. Still, I know that our child is loved and will be loved so much, no matter what he/she turns out to be!!!

Secondly, I was just reading an article about some things you need to do to prepare for your new arrival. Someone said that you should take people up on their offer to help you, whether it's cooking meals or taking care of older children so you can bond with the newborn, but here's my observation: When people "storm the castle" after the birth of a baby, aren't they there to see the baby? Not that I agree with it--I will insist upon uninterrupted bonding time with our baby--but I'm pretty sure people aren't going to want to come around to take Xander for walks so we can spend time with the baby!

That's all for now. I'm sure I'll have more opinions to share later.

A few pictures of our pets

2009-08-03T12:32:00.000-07:00

The cats were looking cute today and I thought I'd try (once again) to take pictures of them. Today they turned out better than they usually do...

Here's Dolly:

Pretty much the same pose, but she moved her head a little bit.

And Peanut, Dolly's twin. Or maybe I should say littermate, since people think being twins means they're supposed to look exactly the same. I love the dirty ol' chair by her face...it's the animals' chair, hence the coating of fur...

Enjoying the sunshine...

Xander taking a nap. Something he does all day, until I leave, then he cleans off the counters, tables, etc... He is usually on my naughty list, but he's so darn cute...

Photography & Bruce Hornsby

2009-08-02T09:15:00.001-07:00

I wasn't sure where to post this--I try to keep this blog about Blueberry and my life as it pertains to our fetus, but most of what I want to write about doesn't have to do with Blueberry at all. However, since there IS a part that's about Blueberry, I'll go ahead and post it here anyway.

Chris and I love Bruce Hornsby. As of yesterday, we've seen him a total of four times. Last year we saw him two nights in a row! But our concert experience was less than pleasant last night. It wasn't BAD, it was just really, really disappointing.

(Here's the part about Blueberry.)
Our day kind of changed direction before it even started. We planned on leaving for Buffalo in the early afternoon and doing a little shopping, then grabbing dinner and heading to the concert at 5:00. That's the start time that was listed on our tickets to the Bruce show. The opening act was Martin Sexton, and to be honest, we don't even know who he is, so we weren't rushing to get there exactly on time. But here's how our day changed...

Last week Chris e-mailed me something he found on Craigslist. He said that a lady in the Buffalo area was looking for pregnant volunteers to have their pictures taken to help build her portfolio, and in return for their time, she would give the "model" some poses to keep. Because I have been pretty much against pictures being taken, I thought, just for the heck of it, I'll e-mail her and see if I qualify. I thought maybe this would bring me out of my shell a little bit. She wanted models who were past 35 weeks, and I'm just about 32 weeks, so you never quite know how someone will respond when you don't follow directions. But the photographer got back to me and said she loved my sense of humor and would love for me to be a model for her. I guess that was my sign to just go with the flow, so to speak!

Saturday morning I checked my e-mail and saw that Dawn had written--she said that her session scheduled for Saturday morning was cancelled because the mom had her baby the day before. I talked to Chris and we decided to go for it--we didn't have anything pressing to do except to go to the concert at 5-ish, and to get some dinner beforehand.

We told Dawn we'd meet her at 1:00 at her house. Her intention was to get some outdoor pregnancy photos on her property. We were running a little late because we had to stop for gas, but we got there around 1:15. We hiked out into the woods and the fun began. However, what she said was going to take about an hour ended up taking, oh, about two and a half hours. (I'd like to think it was because we were so easy and fun to work with. ;) (Yes, I said WE--Chris was included in some of the pictures, too!)

So by then it was almost 4, and we were still gabbing away. We realized that we had no time for shopping, and we had to get some food before the show. We ended up at Bravo--the only restaurant where we get dessert after dinner--then headed up to the Harbor. We parked in the parking lot we usually use for events in downtown Buffalo and we took the metro to the venue. I guess it was about 5:45 when we got there. As I mentioned, Martin Sexton was supposed to be the opener at 5:00, but at around 6:00 or 6:15, a girl/lady named Samantha got on stage and said she was going to "play some songs for us." She played for about 30-45 minutes, then left the stage. We weren't sure if she replaced Martin or if he had already been on. But then around 7:00 or 7:15, Martin Sexton came out...and played for over an HOUR! So by then it was about 8:30--Three and a half hours after the concert was supposed to start, according to the ticket.

By that time, I was getting cranky for a lot of reasons. There wasn't a lot of shade and I was really hoping I wasn't getting a sunburn sitting out there (I burn easily!). The bathrooms were port-a-potties, not ideal for someone who has to pee every half hour. (Although I do have to admit, the one I went into wasn't all that stinky.) And then there were the smokers. What an inconsiderate bunch of people. They must think that just because they're outside, other people can't smell it, or more likely than not, they just didn't care. It seemed like no matter where we went, we were in a cloud of smoke. I was thinking, I wonder if it's any less toxic to me and my unborn child if I'm outside. And besides breathing in toxic chemicals, the smell seemed to stick to me--kind of weird to leave an outdoor concert smelling like smoke! Disgusting!

So Bruce took the stage at around 9:30 and we ended up leaving between 10:30 and 10:45. We got onto the metro train that was sitting on the tracks and waited. And waited and waited. Another train pulled up next to ours, sat there for a few minutes, obtained a few passengers, and left again...we sat there for over half an hour, debating whether we should get off and wait for a different train, get off and walk to the car...not sure what would have been the best choice. We did end up having some interesting conversations with some fun people!

We didn't leave Buffalo until after 11:00, which meant we got home after 12:00. Poor Xander had been in for 12 hours. (As much as I dislike our dog, I don't think it's right to do that to him!) I wasn't completely upset about the photo shoot taking a long time because it was kind of fun, but waiting for over 3 hours with a crowd of inconsiderate people was what soured the day for me. Of course, I was happy that I was spending the day with Chris, so I really shouldn't complain...

Training our dog

2009-07-31T06:04:00.001-07:00

This has nothing to do with Blueberry, but it does have to do with our other "child," a 6-year-0ld black lab/hound mix named Xander. We got him from Northern Chautauqua Canine Rescue when he was about a year old, and just this past November, after he had lived with us for four and a half years, our formerly crate-trained dog learned how to get out of said crate.

Now, you should know that he is one of the sweetest dogs you'll ever meet. But he's also a terror. Even before he started getting out of his crate, he had his quirks. He would jump (and jump and jump) when we would get home. He would also piddle on the floor because he was so excited (he still does that occasionally). If there's any sort of noise outside, he barks...loudly. (He has that hound in him, so he bays like a hound. If people can't see him but can hear him, they think we have a beagle.) He doesn't really bark at night, and if he did, we could be pretty certain there was a reason for it, but he goes nuts over the UPS man or anyone who walks dogs (or if anyone talks as they walk by, for that matter!). But we can deal with those things...I actually like that he barks because although our neighborhood is pretty good, we do live in the city of Dunkirk, and there's definitely a drug problem and a slight crime problem, so we like having a noisemaker to let people know not to mess with our house. (While he is a nice dog, I'm certain he would defend "his home" against would-be intruders.

So anyway, after Xander started getting out of his crate, he started getting into EVERYTHING in the house. First it was things like food--if we left a loaf of bread on the counter (something we often do...or maybe I should say DID!), he would eat that. Then it progressed to anything that had touched food or looked like it might potentially have food in it (he shredded gift bags that I intended to reuse--I think they had candy in them from Christmas, and even though they were empty, he could smell that food HAD been in there, and he went looking for it.) So now we have a pantry where we keep most of the non-refrigerator food, and we also keep some things in the oven. (We now have a sign over the button to turn on the oven that says "Check Oven" in case there's something in there.)

I was so irritated/annoyed/upset by his behavior that I had a breakdown one day...at work! I cried all...day...long because I just didn't know what to do. Chris got on the web site for Northern Chautauqua Canine Rescue to look for obedience classes or something that would help us through our little problem. See, when we got him, we signed paperwork saying that if we were to ever get rid of him, we have to promise to take him back there rather than giving him away to someone else or having him put to sleep or whatever. So Chris wanted to tell them that we need more help training him or they're getting him back. We hated to have it come to that, but this was affecting our lives in a major way. Xander was actually ruining things in our house!

On the web site, Chris found the name of a woman who works with dogs and their quirky behaviors. They passed a few e-mails back and forth and none of her hints seemed to work. (While they were e-mailing back and forth, we also had Xander on a round of anti-anxiety medication. Yep, we medicated our dog--and had absolutely no success with it.) The woman kind of stopped e-mailing Chris and we figured we had just annoyed her too much, but then Chris tried one more time to get in touch with her and she apologized for not returning his last e-mail--she had been swamped (and we've all been there, right?). She wanted to come for a home visit, so we met her on Wednesday night. She asked us some questions and worked with him a little bit, and then told us about clicker training. She gave us a clicker to use, but we need to read up on the technique because neither of us really understands the purpose. We're committed to figuring this out, though, because we love our dog and we don't want to get rid of him.

And speaking of getting rid of him, I don't want anyone to jump to conclusions--if we were to get rid of him, it would ABSOLUTELY NOT be because of the baby. I've read blog posts and heard people talk badly about people who get rid of their animals because they have a baby, and I hope I don't get lumped into that category. IF we were to get rid of him (and that will only be if extensive training (as much as we can afford) and attention do not break him of his tendency to destroy things, it would be because he's damaging too much of our stuff or risking hurting himself (like earlier this week--he pulled something made of heavy glass off the counter and it smashed on the floor--that's unsafe!), NOT because of the baby.

I'm reading up on clicker training and I'm going to break it down into a crib sheet so we can better understand what we're doing and how this is going to help us. I'll keep you updated on how this turns out!

Lending a hand

2009-07-30T06:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I forget to blog about very blogworthy things, like this story I'm about to tell you. I wish I'd get into the habit of writing everyday, even if it's something seemingly mundane, but I get so wrapped up in other things online (like reading article after article about everything from washing cloth diapers to the overuse of household chemicals) that I just don't write. But anyway, I'm going to tell you a cute story, which also contains a lesson.

On Tuesday, Chris and I took a class in "baby basics." We figured that even though we really won't know what it's like until we have the actual baby in our hands, it wouldn't hurt to get some tips from professionals and to learn about some of the stuff we might not have heard. (After taking the class, I'm pretty sure we've heard it all, including a lot of BS that's just too far fetched to be true, but anyway...) After the class, our instructor was stacking the chairs up. I don't like to label people or point out differences, but I think it's worth mentioning that she has one hand, which she showed us during the class. (She was talking about how ugly newborns tend to be, and how when she was born, her dad was completely unprepared for what he'd be seeing--a blotchy, red, screaming thing with a pointy head, hair all over her back, and (holding up her arms) one hand--and he passed out.) So after the class, this wonderful woman was stacking chairs, and the four other couples walked right out of the room. I can understand why the pregnant women wouldn't pitch in, but what about the other guys? Nope--none of them lifted a finger. Except for MY HUSBAND [I'm beaming with pride as I type that!]. I grew up in a family of helpers, as you know from previous posts, so I'm so happy that I married a helper, too.

We stuck around helping this teacher, and I mentioned that I was bummed I couldn't take the breastfeeding class on Thursday because it's full, and that's the only class I can attend--the others will be when the school year starts and it will be impossible for me to get to the class. So the teacher took out her cell phone and called woman who teaches the breastfeeding class. She left a message, and the teacher called me back yesterday to say that she doesn't normally take extra people, but she'd make an exception for me. So I wonder, could this have all transpired because Chris stuck around to help with the chairs? Is it just because the teacher was so sweet? Is it because I spoke up (something I'm not very good at)? Either way, I'm thrilled that they were able to squeeze me into the class and I'm thankful to the women who allowed it to happen, and to my husband, who proved that there are still some nice guys out there who are willing to lend a hand...and I'm married to one of them.

Oh, and you want to know something that made me feel horrible? We're redoing our downstairs bathroom now...just painted the walls, put down that click-together bamboo flooring, got a new toilet, etc... Well, he was trying to install the pedestal sink, and he needed some help. I didn't know exactly what was going on, and I'm not as useful as I used to be because, well, I can't exactly move like I used to could, so I ended up scratching up the beautiful bamboo flooring that he had just installed. Needless to say, I feel like absolute crap over it!

Cloth diapers

2009-07-28T07:06:00.000-07:00

So I've been reading about diapers. I think I ranted and raved a while ago about how expensive those cute little reusable diapers are---doesn't exactly inspire one to want to go green with their diapering. I'm not afraid to put some work into the cloth diapering (with the soaking, washing, folding, etc...), but when I have to spend huge amounts of money on the diapers, it's kind of a turn off. And I have to wonder, with how expensive the reusable diapers are, is it really going to save me any money? I mean, I'll have to have probably 10 of those things for each day, and assuming I do a load of laundry every other day, that's 20 diapers I'd need on hand. At $35 for TWO diapers, that's $350 for diapers---and that's for one size. Then the child grows and I have to spend another $350 for the next size up. Would I spend that much on each size of disposables? As much as I hate to say it, probably not!

It's times like this I wish I were a little bit more popular, because then maybe someone would read what I have to say and start taking me seriously. Maybe I need to write some letters or something. I don't even know where to start, but the more I write about this topic, the more fired up I get. I mean, Chris and I both work and make decent salaries, and I still don't know if we can afford to buy cloth diapers, so how is someone in a less fortunate situation supposed to do it?

Here's something cool I came up with...whether or not it will work is a different story, but you can bet I'm going to try it when Blueberry arrives. There's a diaper called the gDiaper--it has a cute outer "underpant" with a plastic, snap-in, reusable liner, and inside that liner you put a disposable (biodegradable, flushable) liner--that's what absorbs the "stuff." The starter kit is expensive as it is, but then you add in the cost of the liners, which are definitely more expensive than diapers, you start to realize how expensive it is to be GREEN! I got one of the gDiaper starter kits from my mother-in-law, and a friend of mine said that she bought me a starter kit, too, so I'll have four of the little outer pants and 20 of the absorbent liners. I also registered for some regular ol' cloth diapers--I know they have about a million uses, so they certainly won't go to waste. My mother-in-law bought us a package of those, too, so I took one of the reusable cloth diapers and stuck it inside the liner of the gDiaper. It fits...I'm not sure how functional it will be, but in a few months, I'm going to find out first hand!

News you never like to hear (don't worry, the baby is fine)

2009-07-23T08:57:00.000-07:00

It's frightening how quickly one's emotional state can change, and I'm not talking about pregnancy hormones here. This morning I received a text message from my mom--my grandfather had another stroke. He had one several years ago, when I was in college, and he hasn't been the same since. He was golfing when the first stroke happened...after the stroke he could barely stand on his own. Before his first stroke happened, he was an avid reader...after the stroke he didn't recognize letters anymore. That was about 10 years ago--I don't remember the exact year the stroke happened, but I do know that I was in college at the time.

Mom said that this time, though, Grandpa isn't doing well. For a while he was unresponsive, but they weren't sure if it was because he couldn't talk or because he didn't want to. He's doing better than he was, but he's still not great. He thinks it's 2003. They asked him who the president is and he said, "I don't know, but I don't like him." (If he's referring to President Obama, I'll refrain from telling Grandpa that I voted for him! I come from a family of Republicans...) He's also coughing up blood. Mom said he could have hours or days...or could hang on for years. (He's 84 now.) But mom thinks that it's not going to be long, and I'm very, very sad right now.

More new stuff

2009-07-22T18:08:00.000-07:00

Remember my story from a while back about our friends who dropped off some baby books on our doorstep? Well, we went to their house for dinner today--they bought pizza and we took dessert--and we just hung out. They have two kids--Owen is going to be 5 in August and Charlotte is 10 months old, so Owen wanted to play (although I got worn out pretty quickly running around with him!) and Charlotte actually rested her head on my shoulder when I held her!

So anyway, we ate and played and then we went into their dining room where they had all kinds of baby stuff sitting out. First, they gave us a gift and card--one of the gifts was a gorgeous eco throw and the other was a journal to track things like feedings, diaper changes, etc... Both are right up my alley--I love things with eco messages on them and made out of eco materials, and I'll certainly be tracking everything that goes on with our baby! After that, they offered us a bunch of stuff that they're finished with--we ended up with a doorway jumper, a bottle/food warmer, a baby gym, a sling...I think that's all. They also had a swing that I was thinking of taking but didn't...maybe I should have, but to be honest, I feel kind of selfish having taken all we did, even though they so graciously offered it to us. But anyway, I will certainly post pictures so you can see that we're slowly obtaining all of the things we need! (Although a shopping trip is in order for the things we NEED. :)

Weirdly spelled names

2009-07-22T12:11:00.001-07:00

I had to write about something I just saw...I had sent a fax to someone named Mary, but when I looked up her name (I had to see what her child's name was so I could file the fax in the appropriate spot), I realized that it was spelled Merrie. When I saw that, my first thought was, "Hey, I just blogged about the different ways we spell people's names!" and the next thought was, "Sheesh, I wonder how many times a day she has to correct people for misspelling her name, or if she just lets it go..." Apparently with me she decided to let it go, but now I feel bad for spelling it wrong!

Used baby furniture

2009-07-21T11:13:00.000-07:00

I may have found a used crib that someone is giving away, and they're very close to us, so we can get it as soon as Chris gets home with the bigger vehicle. It appears to be in good shape from the picture that was posted on Craigslist, so we'll see! If it's something we can use, it puts us one step closer to putting together the eco friendly nursery I'm hoping for. YAY FOR REUSING!!

PS--If you're interested, I posted some pictures of our bathroom remodel on my "everyday" blog: http://kellyfilkins.blogspot.com/2009/07/remodeling-our-bathroom.html. I put them there since the topic is not really Blueberry-related.

Things we "need"

2009-07-21T06:29:00.000-07:00

We're getting to that point where we're making lists of things we "need" to buy. I try with all my might to be as minimalist as possible, so essentially, I want the bare minimum of "stuff" for this baby. I know, however, that we are going to need to go out and buy some things. I may have mentioned before that I want to have everything we need for the first two weeks of the baby's life because I don't want to *have to* run to the store to get stuff, nor do I want a parade of people coming through our house bringing us stuff.

I made a list of things we should have on hand:

Food--check

Diapers--I received some disposables from my sister-in-law at my baby shower (I heard that disposables offer the best fit for newborns, so as much as I hate to use them, I know it may be necessary, at least for a little while.) We also have some gDiapers , but I'm not sure how they'll work right away. I'm appalled by how expensive reusable diapers are (examples: BumGenius-$35.99 for 2 at Target, Bumkins all-in-one cloth diapers-$22.99 for 1 (?) at Target) but that rant will be a whole separate post. Keep in mind, I'm not opposed to using "regular" cloth diapers, either, but they're not exactly easy to find, and they're not very thick (I think sometimes you have to use two at a time), and they're still about $2 each. But regardless of the cost, I'm definitely going to need to go out and get some cloth diapers. My environmental conscience just couldn't take using disposables for any longer than absolutely necessary!

Wipes--I've heard that for the first little while you use gauze pads and water rather than wipes, so maybe gauze pads should be on our list. Did I mention how disenchanted I am with some of the so-called "green" companies that make baby products? Earth's Best and Seventh Generation both make baby wipes that say all over the boxes "chlorine free," "dye free," and "fragrance free," but know what? THESE WIPES ARE NOT BIODEGRADABLE!!! Want to know where you CAN get 100% biodegradable wipes? Wal Mart. My sister-in-law, along with getting us disposable diapers made from organic cotton, got us biodegradable wipes made partially from organic cotton. (To me, it's more important that they be biodegradable than that they be organic.) So anyway, if we can use wipes right away, we're covered! :)

Clothing--We didn't register for much clothing because the people at Babies R Us said that, for one, by the time people shop for clothing items on the registry, the store may be stocking clothing for the next season, so it probably won't even be available. Even with the "staple items" such as onesies and sleepers, those seem to change styles frequently and then go out of stock. I don't have any sleepers at this point, although I do have some onesies. I'm going to assume that a newborn will go through about 3 outfits in a day, give or take, so I'd like to have about 4-5 days' worth of clean ones, so that would be about 15 sleepers. (Thankfully, we have a washer in our house!)

Laundry detergent--check. I bought my first bottle of dye free, perfume free laundry detergent the other day. I've used phosphate-free, earth-friendly detergent for a long time, but this time we opted to get it without the smelly stuff in it. I'll admit, it was a little depressing taking that leap, but it had to be done. I also put laundry detergent on our registry, but the gift cards we received will go toward the purchase of items like that.

Somewhere for the baby to sleep--We received the Pack 'n Play we registered for, and I think that's going to go downstairs once the baby is born. We're looking for a bassinet that will go in our bedroom for the first several months. Although a crib won't be necessary until later, we'd also like to get one of those and get it set up so that it's ready for Blueberry's transition to his/her own bedroom. That's a purchase I don't look forward to making. I know that you get what you pay for, so if we don't end up with a used crib, we're going to spend quite a bit of money to get a new crib that we like. (I feel like kind of a snot when I tell people that we're looking for a used crib in good condition. Have you seen some of the used cribs out there? They're usually scratched up and look like they've been to hell and back. I'm trying to walk that line of being frugal and environmentally friendly vs. wanting something nice for my child. I don't want a spoiled child, but I don't think it's wrong to want furniture that's in decent shape. This is causing quite a dilemma for me!

Miscellaneous baby care items--Not exactly sure what other kinds of things we'll need at this juncture. Diaper rash cream? Bath products? Powder? This is where I welcome suggestions from you mamas with young kids...what did you use for the first two weeks of your baby's life?

Teaching kids to be "doers"

2009-07-20T06:48:00.000-07:00

My mom was telling me about what happened this weekend with "the boys," (my brother's sons: Nate-8, Trey-5, Caleb-4). My parents took them to an airplane show at the Olean Airport. It's a rural airport and the planes that land there are mostly relatively small. At this event, lots of the small planes come in, there's a remote control flying event, and they have other tables set up with vendors and such. There's one group called Pilots & Paws--pilots volunteer to transport abandoned/abused pets to different locations when ground transportation isn't an option--very cool, I think. Another organization set up at the event was Joyful Rescues, and this organization is the focus of my post...

My mom told me that even though the event at the airport was full of planes (both big planes that the kids could sit in and remote controlled planes that were flying all over the place), 4-wheelers they could sit on, birds of prey they could look at, food they could eat, etc..., the boys wanted to hang out with the dogs. Trey especially bonded with one of the dogs named Cheyenne, whose picture and bio can be found on the site. Mom said that the boys went back to the Joyful Rescues area 3 or 4 times just to visit with the dogs again.

I told my Mom that this would be the perfect opportunity to teach the boys about "giving back," but Mom was one step ahead of me. She had told the boys that they could collect pop cans and bottles, take them back to the store, and collect the deposit money in a special container, which they would then donate to Joyful Rescues.

See, here's a little side note about my parents. Growing up, my Mom and Dad always volunteered to do stuff--Dad was a member of the volunteer fire department and is always the first person to jump in and help out, whether it's at the scene of an automobile accident or to help build something or move something for a sick or injured person, whether or not he knows them. Mom coached a little league softball team (they won the championship, too!) and modified soccer, and was a member of the Lackey Foundation for Children--an organization that raised money for (and then purchased) things like computers or exercise equipment for permanently injured or terminally ill children. (On a couple of occasions, Chris helped set up computers and Dad helped set up a playground that the Lackey Foundation purchased, and it was fun to be involved in stuff like that.)

As a little kid, I was interested in helping, too. I used to make friendship bracelets out of embroidery floss (remember those?) and then I would keep half of the money for more supplies, and I donated the other half to the SPCA. Mom and Dad would drive me to the animal shelter so I could drop off my donations, which often only amounted to $10 or $12, but for a 10-year-0ld, that was a pretty big deal, and Mom and Dad knew what a valuable lesson I was learning by making those donations.

So anyway, Mom said that now the boys are all into collecting and cleaning out cans to raise money for the animals, and I think that's awesome. I think the lessons the boys learn will be so valuable as they grow up, and it's something that the entire family can be involved in--even little Blueberry! I'm so proud of my parents and my nephews!

Pack n Play!

2009-07-17T17:51:00.000-07:00

Chris got home from work, cooked dinner (strombolis, my favorite!!!), then went up and painted the bathroom, and after that was done, he went into the bedroom to set up the Pack n Play. It was kind of funny because some of those directions were pretty wacky, but it looks like it's going to stay together. Now the trick will be keeping the cats out of it! I took pictures, but I'll have to post them later. I feel bad sitting on the couch typing on my blog while Chris is cleaning the litter boxes! And he wants to get the medicine cabinet and light fixture put up in the bathroom before we go to bed. I swear, this guy never stops!

Baby names 2

2009-07-17T07:11:00.001-07:00

Chris and I were talking a little more about baby names last night and he suggested looking at the top 100 list for inspiration. I reminded him that I don't want a popular name, but he said that even if we look at the top 100 names, we're bound to find a name that is somewhat unique, which is probably true. I looked at one list of the top 100 names from this decade. Christopher is #6, and Kelly isn't even on the list! (Although I did check for my name in the 1970s and 1980s, and it was near the top--go figure.)

I have a couple names in mind that I've liked on and off for a while, but at least one of them isn't on the top 100 list--cool! However, some of the other names I like (such as Riley) keep moving up the list. It figures, though, that if I named a child Riley, I would spell it "my way," which is Reilly. Oh no, I'd be one of "those people," but there's a reason for spelling it that way. Chris and I both went to St. Bonaventure University, and one of the buildings there is called Reilly Center. (Chris doesn't remember this, but that's the first place we met. I was with another friend of mine, and we ran into Chris and his roommate Vinny as we were passing through. My friend introduced me to the two of them, but then I got to know Chris better since we were in the same Chemistry class.)

I've always been the type of person to pick out baby names, but it's a lot easier when you're choosing hypothetical baby names. When there's a real person you have to name and you have kind of a deadline, so to speak, it gets a little more serious. I'm spending altogether too much time online looking up names! I mean, it's almost 10:30am and I've gotten very little done around the house because I'm obsessively looking up names. I know the right name will come to us, and I'm not stressing out about it, but I do have to remind myself that I can't put it off forever!

Baby names

2009-07-16T10:07:00.001-07:00

Ok, so as far as I'm concerned, we still don't have names picked out for the baby. I have a few that I like but don't know if I'll use, so I'm still doing a lot of reading and paying attention to the names that I hear so I can consider how they'd sound with our last name, and to decide whether that's a name I can see someone having into adulthood.

I read something interesting today in "The Greatest Baby Name Book Ever" by Carol McD. Wallace. A little blurb on page 469 says: "Many parents like to put a twist on their baby's name by spelling it in an unusual way. They may be hoping to add a bit of individuality to the name, or make it memorable. Experts tend to see this as a bad idea: by the time your child reaches school age, the inconvenience of having to spell "Emylee" to every stranger (and correct the ones who get it wrong) tells you why. What's more, you take the chance that their innovative spelling may be seen as pretentious or even illiterate. So think long and hard if you're considering writing "Nickolaus" on the birth certificate. Your child will probably thank you."

I think this is so true! I know some people who get really irritated when people spell their name wrong, but "Nici" and "Danyelle" are not ways people would typically spell those common (and very pretty) names. And with the rash of people trying to be different by spelling their kids' names weirdly, I think it's caused a lot of people to take my fairly common name--Kelly (with a very common spelling) and spell it Kelli or Kellie.

That's why I'm trying to find "real" names that aren't commonly used--it lets me be a little bit unique without making me be the parent who gave my child a name that no one can spell. (I'm sure I'll give him or her plenty of other things to hate me for, so I don't want his or her name to be one of them!)

Pictures of gifts, part three

2009-07-15T05:14:00.001-07:00

I was only going to post a few pictures but then I decided I'd probably forget which ones I posted and which ones I didn't, so I posted all that I had in one of my folders. I know some pictures are missing, though, so I have to see where the others are and get those on here as well. Now I'll tell you about this next group of pictures...

This bag is from my aunt Ginger, my dad's sister. Ginger never fails to know EXACTLY what I like--she has always given me the best gifts, and this bag is no exception. It's hand made by a woman in my home town of Cuba, NY. Ginger first introduced me to the "Ellen Scott Collection" when she gave me one of Ellen's purses a year or two ago. They're reminiscent of Vera Bradley bags--they're quilted and made out of beautiful material. The purse has the nicest pockets inside that keep everything organized (although right now mine is in disarray because I just tossed a few things in there...I need to get it straightened up again!) This gorgeous tote bag has the same kinds of pockets inside and will be absolutely perfect for a diaper bag. Know how I said that Ginger always seems to know what I like? Well, a diaper bag was something I had been fretting about because I just couldn't find one that was "me," and I didn't want some overly manufactured one that can be picked up at any old store. I was hoping for an earth friendly one and/or something that's a little more unique--with this bag, I got both--it's not made out of plastic, and I don't know of anyone else who has one like this! LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!!!

Ginger also gave me a bunch of other awesome stuff (besides the bag and also throwing the shower for me with my other two aunts), so I piled it all on top of the bag...The bear is made from earth-friendly materials--so cute! (Right now it's strapped into the stroller that someone else gave us!) There's also a temple thermometer, a sleep blanket, a "bath bag" (kind of like a baby bath robe!), a crib sheet, disposable changing pads, and a forehead thermometer. All stuff that I know we're going to need!
My Grandma (Dad's mom) is a crocheting machine! She crochets all of the time and has made some gorgeous things. Here is a little white poncho. (I'm so worried I'll get this dirty right away!)
A "loopy dog," for lack of a better term. It's a stuffed animal and has loops of "fur" all over it. So cute and huggable!She said that this yellow thing is a car seat cover, although I'm not quite sure how it's supposed to fit on the car seat. We'll have to try it out once we get the car seat in the car.

Gram also made two afghans. She used the same colors, but the stitches are different. The yarn is nice and fine so they won't be too bulky to carry with us when we're out and about.

Gram also gave us a cute overall outfit, perfect for a boy or a girl. I know I had overalls when I was little. This child will definitely be part redneck. I did, after all, grow up in Allegany County!
My friend Nikki came all the way from Rochester for the shower. She and I went to St. Bonaventure together and have been close ever since. She wrote out a beautiful poem, which is in the center of the big frame, surrounded by a collage of happy words. The Safari Roller has little bells inside that make noise when you shake it. I think that will be lots of fun! Finally, there's a little box with a blue and pink design on the cover, and inside is a note that says, "for the first flower your child gives you." How precious!
This is from my aunt Nancy (mom's sister). I'm not really sure what you'd call it, but I love it! It's almost like a little sleeping bag that we can zip the kid into. We live in the Buffalo area, which is known for snow and cold weather, so this is something that we definitely needed, and it will get a LOT of use (since winter is about 8 months long here!).
These are from my cousin Kate (Aunt Nancy's daughter). I love my "Chucks," so I put them on the registry at Babies R Us, not really thinking that I'd get them (they're a little expensive for kids' shoes), but knowing that at some point, my child would definitely be wearing a pair of them (just like Mommy!) I was SO EXCITED when I opened them! They're a size 6, so there's some growing room...they'll be so cute on our baby's little feet!!!!
Beth and I became friends in 9th grade. We were, what, 14 years old then? So Beth and I have been friends for 17 years. We've been in and out of touch because we went to college, moved, etc..., but thanks to Facebook, we reconnected once again, and Beth was able to attend my shower. She gave me this Burt's Bees gift set, which is PERFECT because I LOVE the natural products. She also included the cute little elephant toy and a cross stitch, which she did herself. She also made us a cross stitch for our wedding, and it's proudly displayed on a shelf in our dining room. She said that she needs the picture back when the baby is born so she can put his or her name on it. What a gorgeous, thoughtful, and meaningful gift!
Grandma Dodge (mom's mom) gave me this bottle set, which will definitely get some use! I hate how expensive some of this stuff is, but you know me and my need for things to be free of chemicals! I also like that it comes with a sippy cup for when the baby gets bigger.
One of my mom's coworkers, Brenda, said that she always gives books for gifts, which I think is absolutely wonderful! She said that one is a Mommy book, one is a Daddy book (although I just realized that I covered up the title!), and one is a Grandma book. I can't wait to read these to our little one...over and over and over again! :)

The ladies in my mom's office went in together and bought us this awesome jogging stroller. (Remember how I said that the bear Ginger gave me was strapped into the stroller? I forgot that I took a picture of it, which you can see below.) This is one of those fancy three-wheel strollers that we'll use for "offroading." I imagine we'll take it to the zoo and when we go to malls or whatever. It's a bit heavy and bulky (which we knew it would be when we registered for it), but since we're more "off the beaten path" types of people, we needed a stroller that could keep up with our lifestyle.

And finally in today's photo album, the "card" that my mom's office mates gave me--another book. Isn't that sweet? Instead of a card, the gave me another book and inscribed it with the names of the people who gave us the stroller!!! I just think that's the most wonderful idea, and I intend to use it next time I give a shower gift!
Thank you, everyone, for your generosity! I will probably say this a hundred times before the baby is born, but when I look at these gifts, I think of what it will be like to use them with the baby, and how I'll tell the baby (even though he or she will not be old enough to understand) how many people celebrated his/her arrival with us. Each and every person who has given us gifts is, in some way, helping the development of our child, whether it's an outfit to keep him/her warm, a buggy to get him/her from place to place, diaper rash cream to keep him/her comfortable, or books to make him/her smart. I love you all!

More pictures of gifts

2009-07-14T05:26:00.000-07:00

Here are some more pictures of gifts we received...

Since my mother-in-law lives in Cincinnati (over 6 hours away), it was not possible for her to attend the shower. (Showers are rough--I was invited to the shower of one of my best, best friends in November, but it was several hours away on a Sunday afternoon in the winter, and I didn't want to risk a long drive in questionable weather, nor could I take time off work so I could stay overnight. It broke my heart to not be able to go, but I know Tara understood, so for the people who couldn't make it to the shower, I absolutely know how much that sucks!)

Anyway, my MIL had a package full of shower gifts shipped to our house, and here are pictures of what she sent. (I wrote a paragraph for this item and it got deleted--when I looked back at the post, it said "My MIL had a package full of sh" and I thought to myself, Well that doesn't look very nice! So I went back to fix it and realized that most of what I wrote had disappeared.)

This is something Chris registered for--I tease him because it came with a remote control and I said that's the only reason he picked this one. It's supposed to entertain the baby while giving the driver of the vehicle the ability to see the baby through the rear-view mirror; very handy for those rear-facing child seats.

I know it's very strange, but I'm very excited about these diapers! By now you probably know that I'm interested in reducing waste of all kinds...and disposable diapers are (in my opinion) one of the worst things out there for choking up our environment. And most people I know put the disposable diaper inside a plastic bag, making the diaper even LESS biodegradable. I heard about these diapers a few years ago and have been reading about them ever since. There's a cute little outer "underpant" and inside is a reusable plastic liner and a disposable insert. The insert is biodegradable and flushable!!! How cool is that? (Answer: VERY COOL!!!) I'm going to get a little graphic, but I think you can handle it--pee diapers can go right into the compost bin. Poop diapers can't be composted because unless you're a master composter (which I'm not), the compost bin or pile doesn't get hot enough to kill the bacteria, but that's ok, because the diapers are flushable!!! It does take a little work--the insert has to be taken apart so that it doesn't end up getting flushed in one big gob, but even though that's a little gross, it's still worth it to me, and hands are washable. (I'm not deluded enough to think that I'll never get baby poop on me!) Inside this cute little box are two cotton outer pants, three plastic liners, and 10 inserts. Once I have enough of the outer pants, I can just buy the absorbent inserts. I'll probably use these when we travel, and I'm hoping to use cloth diapers when we're home.

One of my mom's coworkers, the recently retired superintendent of Cuba-Rushford Central School District, was also unable to make it to the shower, but she sent two gift bags full of stuff--inside were five boxes of disposable nursing pads! My registry at Wal-Mart was very small because, believe it or not, the prices there were higher on most things than they were at either Babies R Us or Target! So this was one of the only things on the registry, and that's what she bought! I love gifts that are useful, and I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of use out of these!

Still lots more pictures of gifts to be posted, and thank you cards to be written for all of them! And speaking of thank you cards that need to be written...I'm going to work on that now!

Pictures of gifts

2009-07-10T06:32:00.000-07:00

I decided that first, I'll post the pictures from my girls at work, since the shower they threw was over two weeks ago. (Around the time of the shower, I was sick and we had a bathroom remodel going on, so I really haven't done anything with the pictures until now!)

This is the bedding set we registered for. It's called Bunny Meadows, and it's organic. While I'm not the biggest fan of themes, especially baby animal themes, this has a very soothing, "naturey" look to it. The bunny is more of a design and less a picture of a cute little animal, which I just love. And it's brown and green--perfect colors for either gender! I have a better picture of this, but for whatever reason when I try to post it, it turns sideways.

Here's the stationary entertainer that the baby will use eventually. Chris loves it because all of the little toys attached it have a specific purpose for brain development. Chris and I are both very curious, "have to find out how it works" people, so if our child is anything like us, he/she will really enjoy this!

Another coworker, Charity, couldn't make it to Mary's shower, and she had already bought me a gift. I don't even think she saw this on my registry, she just bought it because she thought I'd like it. Think she's right? (DEFINITELY!!!) The girls at work also gave me a $30 gift card for Target. Whereas most people will spend a gift card on things they wouldn't normally buy for themselves, I'm just as frugal with them as I am with my own money, so gift cards are kind of a form of entertainment for me. I go through ads and coupons and try to figure out how I can get the best price on the items I need, so that $30 gift card will get us a lot of the stuff we need!

Thank you to everyone who contributed to the purchase of these gifts: Mary (math teacher, person who hosted the party), Ann (English teacher, and I believe she is also the one who went and purchased the items), Lisa (secretary in the office, person who bought the cake), Marcia (attendance secretary), Debbie (superintendent's secretary), Susan (computer whiz in the admin office), Orrissa (also a computer whiz in the admin office), Nancy (the person who gives us our paychecks and deals with all of the stupid questions I have about insurance), Billie (secretary for the director of instruction), Karalea (math teacher), Amanda (math teacher), Bethany (Spanish teacher), Kathy (history teacher), Jen (former school nurse), Jackie (director of instruction), Judy (our secretary in the guidance office), Kathi (current school nurse), and Lisa (other school counselor).

Stuff we have/stuff we need

2009-07-10T04:50:00.000-07:00

This started out as a response to G's comment, but I thought it seemed like a full fledged blog topic in and of itself...

It's definitely starting to sink in now that we have a room in our house FULL of baby stuff! (We're staging it in one bedroom until we can get the nursery cleaned out. We had house guests a couple weeks ago and had to bring an extra bed down from the attic (after we had just put it up there to get ready to start setting up the nursery). Hopefully my brother will be coming this weekend to pick up the bed (this time it's not going back up to the attic, it's going out the front door, and I don't care who takes it, as long as it's put to good use!), and once that's gone, we'll get down to business. I think what's even more shocking than getting gifts is figuring out the things we definitely need so we can go out and buy them. The suggestion lists that you get from the baby supply stores are so full of frivolous, expensive stuff that I've kind of lost track of what I NEED. My aunt asked me if we have received any sleepers from showers, and I was like, "No, do we need those?" My sister-in-law, Stacey, did give us some onesies, which I know will come in handy. A few people (my mother-in-law, sister-in-law Stacey, and friend Tina) have given me diapers, which I know we'll need. (THANK YOU, girls!)

We decided that we'd like to have pretty much everything we'll need for the first couple weeks of the baby's life--basically diapers and clothes--because my feeling at this point is that I want to be able to spend some time at home, just the three of us, and get used to being a family without a bunch of other people around. (I know I've said that before, but I need to make sure that I have some time to adjust to being a mother.)

So anyway, we're getting there...I'll be happy once we can get the nursery cleaned out so I can start organizing what we have and then figuring out what we need. If you have any suggestions for items that we MUST have, feel free to share. Remember, we're just talking about the first couple of weeks when we're in seclusion! After that we'll go out and get what we need. (And, of course, if there's anything we're desperate for, we have a Wal Mart in town (even though I hate that store) and there's always the internet!)

Now I'm going to throw some pictures into a separate post and get them on the blog for you to enjoy!

I dream in color

2009-07-09T13:17:00.000-07:00

I've had some weird dreams lately (if I've been fortunate enough to fall asleep and stay asleep for long enough to hit a REM cycle) but for a long time haven't had one that I've actually remembered until last night. Last night's dream was quite vivid, and one thing I was assured of once again is that I dream in color.

Have I mentioned before that I've had dreams that the baby is a girl? Well, last night's dream involved a cute little baby in a pink and brown car seat. I absolutely love the color brown--I don't know what it is...I love its richness and I love how it looks with a variety of colors, from pink to teal to red. So it's no huge surprise that I had a dream about that particular color combination. But what's more telling, I think, is that the brown was combined with pink and not blue. Every time I've dreamed of a baby (which isn't really all that often, to be honest), it's been a girl. It would be just like me to be all convinced that it's a girl and to then end up having a boy. And really, I don't care what it is, but now that I'm convinced that I'm having a girl, I find myself trying to prepare for what it's going to be like to have a little girl, and I don't know what I'll do if I'm surprised with a boy.

(Of course I know what I'll do--I'll love him to pieces, but you know what I mean--it's weird to be convinced of one thing and then have the opposite happen.)

Pictures of some gifts

2009-07-09T05:10:00.000-07:00

This is one of the first gifts I received. One of my coworkers called from her classroom to check and see if I was in my office, and then she came down with these items--a little rattle and a cute rubber duckie (which I'm going to set on the edge of the tub as soon as we're finished painting the bathroom!)

I've realized that there are many gifts I still haven't taken pictures of, so I should get to that right now. I was going to go out to the paint store early and pick up the paint we need for part of the bathroom (some of it is going to be white, some of it is going to be dark blue, and I need to pick up the white paint), but then I made an appointment to get the car inspected at 11, so I figure I'll just putter around the house for a while and then run all of my errands at once. So maybe I'll post more pictures before 11!

Garbage

2009-07-08T05:48:00.000-07:00

Warning: I'm on my soapbox again about environmental concerns, and there's a good chance you'll have no interest in what I have to say here. On the other hand, maybe it will get you thinking about things you may not have thought of before. I have very strong opinions about the way we treat the environment and I think that, overall, people are very selfish when it comes to decisions about what they purchase and how they dispose of unwanted "stuff". This post really doesn't have much to do with Blueberry, other than the fact that I'm concerned about his/her future and the planet on which he/she will live. I seriously considered not having kids knowing that every extra person we put on this planet contributes to pollution, but at the same time, I also think it's important to provide the world with tree huggers who will hopefully be part of the solution and who will influence those around them to do their part. I hope that our child's presence will make our family and friends consider what they are doing to the environment. I plan on teaching our child from an early age what it means to do his/her part. One day I was at the recycling center and a dad had his little girl with him. She must have been about three years old. She asked him what he was doing and I heard him telling her that he was separating his garbage out so that new stuff could be made from what he was throwing away. I'm sure he explained it much more eloquently than I did, but the point is that he taught her the importance of doing our part, and I thought that was wonderful. I couldn't help but to smile when I observed that interaction.

I have a weird obsession with waste. Whenever I throw something away, I think of where it's going when I'm done with it, and thankfully, I've trained my brain to think about where the waste is ending up before I even purchase a product. I think that's important for everyone to do--when you buy something, think about the packaging material that it comes in. Think about that plastic bag the cashier puts the item in. Do you really need a bag for one or two items? How 'bout reusable bags? People justify their use of plastic bags by saying that they reuse them, but really, how many bags do you need to reuse? How many do you throw away (duh, you're not reusing them if they go straight into the trash)? If your excuse for throwing them into the trash straight way is that they have a hole in them, consider this--a canvas or cotton bag probably wouldn't have ripped in the first place! And if you're reusing plastic bags, you should only need one or two anyway because youre reusing them. Yes, people use them for waste baskets, and that's great, but even then, how many do you need? One or two every week?

Yesterday was garbage day in Dunkirk, and I also walked the dog because I didn't have to work, so I got to see just how much stuff people put out for the trash. We only put out garbage once every two, three, sometimes four weeks. We compost anything that will break down (food scraps, etc...), we recycle everything that can be recycled, and the resulting trash is minimal. (Go us!) But we just remodeled our bathroom and had a HUGE amount of waste. And it was extra-nasty waste--old linoleum flooring, wallpaper, wood that had been painted. What a mess for mother nature to have to deal with! It makes me physically ill to think that we're choking up the environment with that toxic mess. Part of me wonders how I even let that happen, but I kind of feel like I was overruled by people who don't have the environmental conscience that I do.

So on Tuesday morning after I walked the dog, the garbage truck came through and started picking up the 5 or 6 bags and barrels of trash we had sitting out. Our next door neighbors also put out tons of trash--a couple of busted up TVs, some furniture, etc... And because there was so much garbage, the garbage truck sat out in front of our house for a good 10 minutes, running the compactor so that it could fit all of our stuff in there. I also knew that around the corner our neighbors had thrown away a pretty big pile of stuff that could have been repurposed. I could have cried. It really, really, really hurts me to see this happening--and this was just on one little block in one little podunk down. This is happening on a much larger scale all over the town, county, state,...world.

I thought about sites like Freecycle. It's great when people use the site, but it seems like only a handful of people really know about the site and/or use it. I started to think about how the site could be used on a larger scale. People tend to do what's convenient for them, so if giving stuff away on Freecycle is too time consuming or difficult, people are not going to do it.

Then I started dreaming of ways that I could be the solution. Sitting around and crying about it isn't going to fix it. I was thinking, What if a group of volunteers made it really easy for others to get rid of stuff via Freecycle. What if I were to open a "store" kind of like those "We Sell Your Stuff on Ebay" stores, but for free items? People could either bring their items to the store or volunteers could pick the stuff up and get it to the store somehow. Then if people are looking for something, they can come and get it, or post on Freecycle what they're looking for and I could tell them if I have it.

I realize that the likelihood of something like this happening is very, very small, but we all need to have dreams, right? Maybe someday this can become a reality!

Pictures from Mary's party

2009-07-07T15:51:00.000-07:00

Finally, some pictures from the surprise shower at my friend Mary's house...

Here's the cake! The little booties have a spot on the bottom to write the baby's name, weight, date of birth, etc...

Here I am with the cake, looking dreadful and feeling even worse!
Opening presents with my little buddy Avery. She's three years old and belongs to my coworker, Ann, an English teacher at my school.
Mary with a lap full of Claire. Mary, a math teacher at my school, is the one who hosted the party, and Claire belongs to Karalea, another math teacher. In the background you can kind of see Lisa, secretary in the office, Jen, former school nurse, and my buddy Avery again.
Here's a better shot of Lisa, Jen, and Avery, plus Bethany, a Spanish teacher, and her daughter Anna, who was born in May.
Jen and Deb. Deb is the superintendent's secretary.
Here's Jaxon. He's Avery's brother and was the only "guy" at the party.
Amanda sitting on Kathy's lap. Amanda teaches math, Kathy teaches global studies.

Oh wait, this isn't a shower picture, this is just my kitty, Peanut.

The shower

2009-07-07T09:19:00.000-07:00

I've been showered! My "official" baby shower was this past Sunday, July 5th. I think that the best part of it was getting to see people I haven't seen in a long time! Besides my aunts, who I don't get to see nearly enough (one from Olean, one from Buffalo, and one from Long Island), I got to see some really close friends and other family members who mean the world to me and who I "talk to" online (thank you, Facebook!!!), but who I haven't seen in ages. Turnout for the party was pretty poor because of the holiday weekend, but I completely understand. So many people had company or were out of town. However, a few different groups of people have said that they want to throw me a shower on their own (or they have already thrown me a surprise shower!), which to me is completely unnecessary, but I so appreciate their thoughtfulness.

It's kind of weird being the center of attention. I'm used to blending. I kind of enjoy fading into the background where people don't really notice me. Showers make me feel weird because don't want people to think that I expect them to buy me gifts. I'm finding, though, that people seem to WANT to buy gifts--they appear to truly enjoy buying stuff for a new baby! And as I was looking through some of the awesome stuff that we received at the shower, I started thinking about how every time I dress the baby or put it in the stroller or change its diaper or pack the diaper bag to go somewhere, I'll think of the person who gave me the article of clothing or the stroller or the diaper or the bag and remember how they've touched my life and how they celebrated this exciting time with us.

I've started taking pictures of all of the "stuff" that we received at the shower and I'm going to post the pictures on my blog. I believe that besides getting thank you cards in the mail, everyone who gave us a gift deserves a little shout out, and I thought that my blog friends might like to see what we've received! (Also, this is kind of a digital scrapbook for me--I think it will be fun to look back and see the pictures of the things we received from our friends and family!!!)

Back in the saddle

2009-07-04T16:10:00.000-07:00

Or maybe I should say "on" the saddle, since you don't really sit "in" a bike saddle. Wow, I overthink things way too much!

After a couple weeks without bike rides, we finally got out for a short ride today (6 miles as opposed to our usual 12). End of the school year and bathroom remodeling madness prevented us from getting out there. Oh, and the weather hasn't been all that cooperative, either. But Chris suggested we hop on the bikes for a ride this afternoon, and while that was about the last thing I wanted (I wasn't particularly tired or anything, I was just feeling too lazy to exercise), I knew that I really needed to get out there and work my body. I've been SUCH a slacker lately!

There was a really stiff headwind. This is a pretty windy area anyway, but on parts of our ride I had to push pretty hard to keep moving. I also didn't feel that it would be the best idea to push myself *too* much, so I just kept a moderate pace. Hopefully with daily rides this week I'll work my way back up to the 12 miles we were doing pretty much every day last year. Part of me feels like it would be stupid to try to ride that much while 6+ months pregnant, but I didn't even feel fatigued doing six miles today...the only reason I didn't want to push to do too much today is that, first of all, I don't want to get too far from home and decide I can't do it, and secondly, I didn't want to make myself all sore and then be miserable at my baby shower tomorrow. (I already attended one shower during which I didn't feel well and I do NOT want to do that again!!!)

Tonight we're walking to the lake (we live 7 blocks from Lake Erie) to watch the fireworks on the pier. It's a huge event and there are tons of people out. Then tomorrow morning after breakfast I'll head to the Olean/Cuba area to get ready for the shower. Wow, I can't believe it's coming up so soon!

The surprise shower

2009-07-02T03:42:00.000-07:00

I just realized I still haven't posted about the surprise shower last week. It's quite a long-winded story if I get into all of the detail about how I almost didn't go because I didn't feel well, etc. I'm thinking of writing it in "chapters" so people can skip to the parts they want to read!

Chapter 1--Last day of school, left work early
Last Thursday, June 25, was the last day of school for the teachers. Tests had been finished, grades had been submitted, and after our final faculty meeting of the year everyone was released. I started out that morning feeling ok--the previous evening I was feeling crummy and I had just lay on the couch from the time I got home until the time I went to bed. But as the day wore on, I felt sicker and sicker, so after the faculty meeting I just wanted to go to my office and put my head down. All of the teachers go to a luncheon on the last day of school--I went the first year, but after that I decided that since I have to work for the afternoon anyway, I may as well just stay at work, so I wasn't really missing out on anything. I kept feeling icky and finally asked one of the administrators (not the principal; he had already left) if I could go home early. She said that since all of the teachers were gone, she didn't see how it would be fair to keep me there, too. So I went home and crashed on the couch again at about 2:00. (I should have left work much earlier, but like I usually do, I pushed myself to stay for no good reason.)

Chapter 2--Getting ready to go to Mary's
I was planning on throwing together a snack to take to the little party--something simple like Muddy Buddies, but I couldn't seem to get myself off the couch. Mary said to be there between 5:30 and 6:00. I was pushing the 5:30 mark, and then I decided that I wasn't sure if I could drive to the get-together, so Chris offered to drive me. He had to go out and run some errands anyway. I hated the idea of having him make two trips to Mary's house for me, but I thought that would be safer. I texted Mary to say that I was running late but that I'd be there shortly, and then after a bit more of a delay, I was on my way around 6:00. She called me when I was almost to her house and asked me if I was coming.

Chapter 3--Arriving at Mary's
We pulled up to Mary's house and her driveway was full of cars--There must have been at least 8 cars there. I'm a car looker--I pretty much know what everyone I know drives. I have no idea where my obsession with cars comes from, but anyway, I said to Chris, "Hmm, that's Orrissa's car, and that's Marcia's, and that's Karalea's, and that's Ann's, and that's Lisa's..." I wondered why so many people from work were there and I was feeling increasingly bad about having slept too long to make something to eat. Mary met me halfway up the walkway to her house and ushered me in...where I found 14 of my coworkers who all shouted, "Surprise!"

Chapter 4--The Party
As I wandered around, I got lots of hugs and congratulations. I realized that there was a table full of food and a cake that said Congratulations Kelly & Chris, with a little pair of baby booties on it. The cake was all done up in green and yellow, quintessential gender neutral colors! :) (I do have pictures, but I have not yet offloaded them.) Lisa, knowing I wasn't feeling well, waited on me hand and foot. It killed me to see all of that wonderful food there and to not feel like eating any of it!!! I managed to eat a couple pieces of cucumber and a small piece of cake. They sent me home with the rest of the cake, and also with the pizza they ordered. Mary said, "Do you want to open your presents now?" I sat down on the couch and saw two large items. One is the bedding set we registered for--it's called Bunny Meadows and it has sage green bunnies with a background of green and brown trees and plants. It's organic! There was a big wrapped box that turned out to be one of those seats that has all kinds of things around it for the baby to play with. There was also a card signed by all of the people who chipped in for the gifts, and a gift card for $30.

Chapter 5--My Reaction
I'll be honest, I feel like I couldn't have acted more ungrateful if I had tried. I felt so sick that I was a complete space cadet, and I fear that I didn't show enough excitement. Not that I would feign excitement for the sake of others, but I really wish I could have outwardly expressed how excited and grateful I felt on the inside. It's incredible to feel so cared for. I hold a certain amount of fondness for my coworkers and I know that they're fond of me as well (at least to some extent!), but I never in a million years would have expected such an outpouring of generosity and love.

I'm truly, truly grateful for the people in my life, and they inspire me every day.

Kids and sweets

2009-06-30T09:43:00.000-07:00

I have serious issues with feeding kids "convenient foods" for whatever reason, especially from an early age. Many will say that they'll give a kid a taste of ice cream or pop "just for a special treat," but I don't think they realize what damage they do to a kid by introducing them to the bright new world of refined sugars. If a child has never had it, he or she will not know what they're "missing out on". (Trust me, as much as I try to maintain a healthy, natural diet, I can't seem to kick my love for candy and other treats.) I'm sure my relatives will be critical of my parenting style, but truth be told, it's my child and we'll raise him or her the way we wish to raise him or her. We're not going to be completely granola--the kid does have to survive in the real world, after all. But I will be steadfast about laying that foundation of healthy habits. I'm sure this will be tough when we take our kids to visit other people, and who knows, maybe I'll be able to relax a bit before we really have to start making these decisions, but in the meantime, here's an article that proves my theory. (It's always nice when I have some "proof" to back up my claims--I always hope that they make me seem just a little less bossy.)

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14277-3-ways-to-limit-the-amount-of-sugar-your-child-consumes/?utm_source=junenewsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=090630

Sick

2009-06-27T19:18:00.000-07:00

Since last Monday or so I haven't felt well. All sorts of things seemed to be going on and I just didn't feel right--weird aches and pains, fatigue, etc... By Wednesday, I couldn't even finish my lunch at the school luncheon, where I had veggie lasagna. It's practically unheard of that I would not be able to finish a meal, especially a pasta meal, especially now, so I knew something was really wrong! Then I won a couple of prizes, both containing chocolate, and I didn't have any desire to sample my prize. Whoa!

That night I went home and slept on the couch pretty much the entire evening until we went to bed at 10. Thursday morning I felt pretty well, but by halfway through the day I wasn't sure if I wanted to drive home. I took a Tylenol to take the edge off and left early. I was feeling bad emotionally, too, because I didn't get a thing done all week. I was just really out of it. And then I left early when I knew I had a lot to do. That was not cool. I went home and napped for a little while, then I had to leave for a get-together. I had a bit of a feeling that my girlfriends were planning something for me...I had no idea that the entire party was in my honor, complete with 14 of my incredible coworkers, a cake with our names on it ("Congratulations Chris & Kelly"), and some lovely, lovely presents. I went there looking like I had just run a marathon or something--I was sweaty, my hair was stringy (probably from having been sweaty), and I just felt horrible. In fact, Chris drove me to the party because I didn't think I could make the 10 minute drive myself.

A couple of my friends who work in the office told me not to even bother going in to work on Friday. I had every intention of giving it a try, but I woke up and decided that they were right. I stayed pretty close to the couch until Chris called the doctor and asked if I could be seen today. The doctor called back and said that she'd order some lab work, so I went down, picked up the script, and then went over to the hospital for blood work and urinalysis. I didn't think I had another UTI (something that I, unfortunately, suffer from on a fairly regular basis despite the huge amounts of water and cranberry juice I drink), but a few weeks ago I thought I felt some symptoms coming on, and I asked her to check for that, too.

The doctor's office called back just after noon (I was shocked and pleased at the efficiency--they really took good care of me!!!) and said that I had an infection that is "traveling throughout my system," so they called in a script for an antibiotic.

I spent the rest of the day on the couch and when it came time to decide if I could make it to graduation at my school, I had to remind myself that I have a hard time sitting up for more than 15 minutes--there's no way I could drive half an hour, wait half an hour for graduation to start, sit for an hour at graduation in a hot auditorium, mingle with students and parents, and then drive back home in the dark. Even if I made it safely, I would have been in agony the whole time. So I stayed home, and it broke my heart.

I woke up today, Saturday, feeling a bit better, but a walk around the block did me in, and I came home and took a nap. Then we went to Home Depot for more bathroom supplies--we're in the middle of a complete bathroom overhaul, which also means that I haven't had a shower since Thursday morning. Gross, I know. I'd like to at least wash my hair in the sink but I don't know if I have the energy to do so. My friend Mary also offered up her house for a shower and a nap while she's out of town this weekend, but I truly feel that I don't have the strength or concentration to drive up there. (It's the same place where the party was on Thursday.) So anyway, after the trip to Home Depot, I got home and took another nap.

My whole body hurts...part of it is probably from laying down so much, but I don't have the strength to sit or stand. I'm also sore from throwing up on Friday night. I only threw up that one time, but wow, did that hurt. And I kept heaving even after all of the water in my stomach was in the bucket. (I should mention that at that particular point in time, the water in the entire house was shut off because they were working on plumbing in the bathroom, so puking into the toilet was not an optioin.) So yeah, I threw up water...I have only eaten a little bit of food since Wednesday's lunch. Today I've forced myself to eat a little more--a couple pieces of bread, two fudgsicles, half an apple...that's about it. I'd like to think the food is giving me a little strength.

Tomorrow there are two graduation parties that I'd really like to attend. They're for students who mean so much to me, and I would definitely rather be there than lying on the couch, but if I feel awful again, it just doesn't make sense to go.

I really hope I'm better so I can go to work on Monday--I have so much work to do!!! And then next Sunday is my baby shower. I'd better be better for that!!!!

Baby wipes

2009-06-20T17:11:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer--I'm really up on my soapbox today and got a little preachy about topics that are dear to my heart. This will probably be a long-winded post, but I'm all revved up...

My amazing friend Tara (maid of honor in our wedding and one of the best friends a girl could ever want) brought up a wonderful topic--she asked me what "green" mamas use for baby wipes! She found a kind of wipe that's supposed to be very gentle on the earth, but of course, products like that tend to be very expensive.

With wipes (and a plethora of other baby products) in mind, we went to Babies R Us to update our registry. Many people have asked what we want/need, and I'm never quite sure how to answer, so I figure one of the best things to do is to keep our registry current with a variety of products that we know we're going to use. (For things I know we're going to use a lot, like laundry detergent, baby wash, etc..., I'm just registering for 10 of each so people know that duplicates are more than welcome!) We found two types of wipes that looked pretty green, and are from companies that express their commitment to the environment: Earth's Best and Seventh Generation. But you know me, right? So you know I'm not going to just accept what I see on the box! I'm going to research it. (Conscious consumerism is SOOO important! Every dollar you spend is a vote, so don't you want your votes to count for something?)

I pulled up the web sites for Seventh Generation and Earth's Best baby wipes. With a little digging on the Seventh Generation site, I was able to find out that although the wipes are free of fragrances, dyes, and chlorine, they are made with a combination of rayon and polyester--definitely NOT biodegradable. However, I do like that they have a strict policy against animal testing (click to read their policy). Animal testing is probably my #1 issue, and most of the products out there ARE tested on animals. Next time you buy mainstream products, take a look at the label...unless it specifically says that it's not tested on animals, then it WAS tested on animals, and you are supporting the suffering of innocent animals. (Sorry to be so blunt, but it's true, and animals don't have voices, so it's up to us to speak up for them!)

Side note: Some cleaning products, such as Method (available at Target) are readily available, cost about the same as the other products, work as well as the other products, and are produced humanely.

As for Earth's Best, they're also chlorine free, but their web site's lack of information about what exactly the products are made out of and whether or not they test on animals makes me wonder what the deal is. I e-mailed them and will blog when I hear back from them. (I'm sure you'll be on the edge of your seat until then, won't you? ;) (Yes, I'm being facetious!)

Tara was kind enough to share a web site with me: http://www.elementsnaturals.com/. They appear to make an environmentally friendly baby wipe. They're advertised as being renewable, compostable, and free of chemicals, fragrances, and chlorine. One thing I have to research a little more is the "Inego fibers" the cloths are made of. They're described as "world's first man-made fiber from annually renewable resources". That makes them sound a little overly-manufactured, but still better than wipes made out of petroleum products.

At the diapers.com web site, I found that the Nature's Elements wipes are $5.99 for 80 wipes. While they're more expensive, I think it would be worth it to consider these over the mainstream wipes.

Anyone know of other earth friendly ways of keeping our baby's bum clean?

Second yoga class-still love it!

2009-06-19T17:53:00.000-07:00

I went to my second yoga class on Thursday and I again found myself so thankful to have looked into it. One of the things that surprised me is that I feel like I'm able to relax a little bit. Normally when I do yoga at home, I rush through it and I don't do the relaxing/breathing portion at the end. I don't really have a type A personality, but at the same time, I can't just be still, and that includes my mind. Now, I'm not saying that anything intelligent is going on up there, but I'm constantly thinking about something. It's definitely something I'm going to have to work on in class because I do find my mind wandering, but I really am pleased that I'm able to focus as much as I can.

As for the body work, I'm thrilled to be guided through some of the poses. The videos and self-instruction books I've used are helpful and I feel like I've picked up some good tips from them. They use good examples to help you understand what your body is supposed to be doing in the different poses. However, that doesn't compare to having a real expert in my midst who can help guide me into the proper position. I learned that some of the poses I've been doing have been a little "off," and I learned modifications that will help me get a little closer to achieving proper form.

I look forward to class on Monday. There's no class on Thursday, but I have plans that day anyway--getting together with the girls at Mary's house for dinner.

Started yoga class--so happy!!!

2009-06-17T16:14:00.000-07:00

For a long time I've been thinking about taking yoga classes. I've always had an interest in it and have dabbled in it for a long time, although my commitment to the practice has been sporadic. When things get stressful, it seems like that's when I do yoga the least, even though that's when I need to be doing it the most!

Chris has known about my desire to take classes, too, and given our new "situation," he insisted that I call and see about classes. (Now let me clarify something--Chris is by no means a bossy person (or at least he's not with me! :). We respect each other and communicate very well, so when I say that he "insisted," what I'm saying is that he knows me so well and knew that if he didn't push me to do it, I'd say, "No, it's ok, I'm fine...") So we went online and looked in the phone book for a yoga studio. I knew that there used to be a yoga studio in Fredonia called Yoga Bija, so I looked it up online and that appeared to be the studio that I was thinking about. When I called, however, someone (male) answered the phone with a simple "Hello," and I was a little surprised. I asked if it was a private residence and apologized when he said that it was. I told him that I was looking for a yoga studio and he explained to me that his wife teaches yoga in their basement on Mondays and Thursdays, etc... Whew! A few days later, I received a call back and got the scoop on the classes.

I feel like my timing is kind of poor--waiting until I'm 5 1/2 months pregnant to start these classes--but it is what it is. I went to my first class on Monday and I just loved it. Besides the instructor, there were three other ladies at my first class. Two are professors at SUNY Fredonia, our local university, and one is an ESL teacher in Dunkirk. I really look forward to getting to know these ladies. They're so intelligent and warm and I feel like being around them will help me grow as a person.

I will be attending two more classes for now, then Carolyn will be taking a trip. She was going to take the month of July off, but she mentioned the possibility of continuing to teach on Mondays through July, but not on Thursdays. (I have to admit, my mind was a jumbled mess on Monday--long, stressful day at work followed by an appt with my midwife, home long enough to grab my yoga pants, then back out the door to meet our friend Amy for dinner, then directly from dinner to yoga--so I was feeling a little overwhelmed, and my listening skills were a little "off," so I may have to get clarification at class on Thursday!)

So let me tell you about the class!!! We chatted for a few minutes and I became acquainted with the ladies in the class, then we started doing some poses. I was feeling a little stiff as I had done a lot of walking the day before and had quite a charlie horse, but I'm *so thankful* to have someone who can guide me through the poses and make sure I'm doing them right. Starting this class has made me feel really renewed and refreshed, not only because I'm doing something great for my body, but because I'm learning about something that has fascinated me for a very long time.

I'm sure that many of my future posts will be about yoga because I feel very accomplished when I learn a new pose or when I get better at something.

So excited!!!!

Visitors after the baby is born

2009-06-11T09:38:00.000-07:00

It's kind of weird how every once in a while, a topic will pop up and that's "all over the place." I read several blogs and web sites, and the hot topic right now is whether or not people want family and friends visiting after their babies are born. I felt kind of bad about dreading having "extra people" around us all of the time (when I'm really looking forward to just getting used to becoming a family of three), but I'm kind of surprised (and pleased) to see that I'm not alone in my thinking. (Seriously, I'm sure a lot of my friends and family think I'm quite a "B" for saying some of the things I say and thinking some of the things I think, but then I read blogs and talk to people who have been in similar situations and I realize that either there are a lot of "B"s like me... or maybe I'm just a lot more normal than I realize.)

(((I'm going to go off on a spelling/grammar tangent for a minute--I'm kind of annoyed that the both the past and present tense of the word "read" is the same word, just pronounced differently. That means my readers will have to rely on contextual clues to figure out that I'm using "read" in the present tense and not in the past tense.)))

But anyway...

We like to have company every once in a while--it's fun to have different people around every now and then. For the most part, though, we like our quiet little life at home. I have a feeling that, whether I like it or not, we're going to have a lot of company after our baby is born. It will be fine for a little bit, but my worry is that having company is exhausting, and not only am I going to be a new parent trying to learn the ropes (something everyone has to learn from experience, not from being advised), I'll be entertaining company at the same time. What many people find helpful, I find stressful. My house is not "neat as a pin," but it's my home, and I like it the way it is. I don't want someone around cleaning it up! (Notice I didn't say "messing it up." While our house is by no means a pigsty, I have no delusions of being a great housekeeper! I have a large, 130 year old Victorian home, three pets, and a penchant for saving everything because I'm a treehugger and I don't like to discard things that I might use later. I HATE HATE HATE the mindset that everything is disposable, but that's another topic for another time.) I've been told that we'll need someone around to help us out, but that's truly something that we can not know for sure until the time comes. I know my life is going to change a LOT when we have a child, but I don't expect to become a completely different person, I just think I'm going to become a different version of myself. And with a little bit of time and practice, I hope to make that an even better version of myself! :)

I know this is a tough topic and I think it's going to be very hard for me to deal with. I'm not what you'd call a tactful person. To be quite honest, my most common reaction in the past would have been to give in to whatever someone else wanted and then be passive-aggressive about it. I'm trying to replace that childish tactic with something a little more clear and honest, but I know I'll be afraid of hurting people's feelings and will, therefore, spend a lot of time biting my tongue.

Bottom line--if I don't have the experience that I want at this most amazing time in my life, I will be hurt and resentful for who knows how long. I'm not out to hurt people's feelings, I'm out to make this experience one that I can cherish for the rest of my life. And I hope I can find that balancing point between sharing this experience with other people and staying true to myself and my needs.

Thankful for the support at work

2009-06-08T15:58:00.001-07:00

I'm grateful every day for all of the support I receive from the people around me. I was worried that my bosses would be mad at me for the situation I've put them in (having to find another counselor, having to figure out when I'll be leaving and coming back, etc...), but they're so kind and understanding, and I just can't say enough about how much more pleasant this experience has been because they're so nice!

(See guys, I don't complain ALL of the time...only when something really bothers me. I have good things to say, too! Hehehe!)

Hearing fetal heartbeat with a stethoscope

2009-06-07T13:29:00.000-07:00

I had heard that after 20 weeks we should be able to hear Blueberry's heartbeat with the small side of a regular stethoscope. Luckily, I have one from my days on the ambulance crew, so every once in a while we check to see if we can hear anything, but we spent a lot of time just moving the chestpiece around and listening to the sounds of digestion. (Lovely, I know.) This morning I grabbed the stethoscope off the nightstand before I got out of bed and on the first try, I heard that unmistakable sound. I was surprised that we could hear it so clearly! What a fun way to start the day!

Comparing myself to other people

2009-06-02T13:28:00.000-07:00

Today I had a scheduling workshop at a different school--kind of nice to go to a different location and get some work done once in a while.

At this workshop, counselors from schools in the county go and work on their master schedules for the upcoming school year, and people from PowerSchool (the scheduling program we use) are there to help us out. One of the PowerSchool people, Cherity, (yes, I spelled her name right) was obviously pregnant, and one of the counselors said, "Oh my goodness, you're pregnant, when are you due?" And Cherity said, "September 24." I was thinking, "Holy crap, that's right around my due date!" It's crazy how different we look. And since no one else noticed my "condition," I didn't volunteer the information. And as this conversation was happening, Blueberry was flailing wildly, practically knocking the wind out of me, so I know he/she is in there and is safe and healthy.

Regarding my previous post about gender prediction kits:
We don't want to know (if we did, we probably could have found out at the sonogram). Chris really wanted to have a 3D sonogram, but now I think he's not too sure because he doesn't want to "see anything." We're coming up on that window of time when the 3D sono works best, so we're going to have to decide soon. Good question about getting your money back if it's wrong!!! I just think it's another way for our disposable society to create more waste.

Gender prediction kits

2009-05-31T09:04:00.000-07:00

In the Walgreens ad this morning they had a gender determination kit on sale for $30. I looked them up online and it said that you can use them if you're too anxious to wait for a sonogram. (They can be used any time after 10 weeks.) I really have to wonder if something like that works, or if it's just a way to screw poor suckers out of $30.

http://www.intelligender.com/

I do not like shopping anymore

2009-05-30T15:22:00.000-07:00

Today I did a little shopping. I have one pair of jeans that fits, and the only reason I have that pair is because someone gave it to me. I've looked around and I CANNOT find a pair of jeans. They're all cropped, which, to me, is NOT a pair of jeans. Jeans go all the way to my shoes. Friends have suggested Kohls (nope), Target (nope), and Gap (nope). I guess that's what we get for living in Western NY--not being able to find maternity jeans is the tradeoff for an otherwise awesome place to live.

So anyway, after I struck out on jeans, I did go to Express to pick up some camis. A while back I had a coupon for a free white cami from Express, and let me tell you---this shirt is AWESOME! It has a built in bra (although I usually wear a bra under it), it's long enough to tuck in, and it comes up high enough in the chest area that it looks very nice under a shirt or jacket at work. I wore the one I have three times this past week! As soon as it gets washed, it gets worn again. So today I went and bought two more--another white one and a black one. This time in size medium (ouch--size medium isn't big by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm just not used to buying that size). They have about 20 colors available, and I had to work really hard to resist buying a couple more. They were on sale 2 for $25--not really the clearance price I'm used to taking advantage of, but they are really nice shirts and I know they'll get a ton of wear.

Then we went to Victoria's Secret. I love their bras. I know they're not for everyone, but after years and years of searching for "the" bra and not wanting to be one of "those people" who shopped at VS, Chris went and bought me one of their Ipex bras. That's all it took to get me hooked, and ever since then, I've been shopping there. (Always for sale items, of course! :) After a little trial and error, I even found the perfect size for me, so for the past several years, I've been a well-supported woman. Then I got pregnant and things started to change. My perfect bras started hurting, so I went back to the ones I wore before I found "my size." They still fit pretty well, but I know I haven't see the last of the changes that are going to happen to my body, so I figured I'd take advantage of another coupon (which expires tomorrow) and buy a larger bra to prepare for the next step. I tried on three bras and found the one I liked best, then took it to the register, and they said that since it was a clearance item, I couldn't use my coupon. On the one hand, I was kind of relieved...I didn't really want the bra anyway, I was just getting it because it was a good deal and I knew I'd be needing it. But on the other hand, I was pissed that I didn't get to use my coupon. (I'm very cheap, which I'm sure you've noticed. Or maybe cheap isn't the right word for it. Maybe I'm clever since I study the sales and strategically use coupons. Either way, I enjoy the challenge of finding a great deal.)

Plus, when I was in the dressing room, I was not liking what I was seeing in the mirror. I've decided that I look much better with my clothes ON. So the between the confusion over what I need to buy and the disgust at my "new" body, I was feeling pretty frustrated this afternoon. Now I'm trying to decide whether I want to go on a long bike ride (which I need) or to garden (which I really need to get started on now that we're pretty much past the danger of frost).

Nursery theme

2009-05-30T05:13:00.000-07:00

Several people have asked me if we have a theme for the nursery. The answer, big surprise, is no. First, I'm not a fan of the usual baby animal themes (even though I do think they're really cute in small doses), and I detest Winnie the Pooh and Classic Pooh. My feeling on the Pooh stuff is this--The baby is, well, an infant. He/she is not going to know what's on his/her swing, crib, etc... I, the mom, will have to look at the stuff every day, so shouldn't it be aesthetically pleasing to me? Maybe that makes me selfish, but I don't think so. I don't want to resent the child for causing me to have to litter our home with things I don't like!

On a side note, Chris was able to pick up a nice swing for $25. It has a little mobile over the top that has three little bears on it, which I don't love, but I'll come back to that in a second. The cover on the swing itself is blue and gold--->Sabres colors. (We're HUGE Buffalo Sabres fans!!!) So back to the bears--I'm going to try to find or make some little Sabres-themed items that will dangle from the mobile. Bye bye bears--you're going to be replaced by hockey pucks! (And please don't tell me that it's dangerous to hang hockey pucks from a mobile. Trust me, I DO know better than to dangle heavy items over an infant's melon.)

So back to a theme--I'm more interested in a color scheme than a theme. There are so many pretty patterns out there--I love plaids and polka dots. I love earth tones. I like green for obvious environmental reasons, and because it's a gender neutral color. But as for picking an actual theme, I'm lost. It's the minutia that drives me up a wall. I can handle picking out the main item, but when it comes to the details like color and style, forget it! I fall apart! Usually for me it comes down to price. If I like two things and one is significantly less expensive than the other, I go for the less expensive item. But when dealing with a registry and other people buying things, I don't know what to tell them! I'm just thankful for my friends and family who put up wtih my quirkiness. I know I must make you crazy, and I love you very much for accepting me the way I am!!!

(I guess a good rule of thumb is that if it's environmentally friendly, I'm sure to like it, even if it doesn't match the other stuff I have! And if you refuse a nasty plastic bag when you buy it, that's even more of a tribute to our little green Blueberry and his/her mission to save the earth. Yep--a 23 week old fetus and it's already a tree hugger. It told me so. ;)

Feeling great

2009-05-29T17:34:00.000-07:00

Ok, so here's something I can safely blog about--I feel great. So much better than I ever thought I would at this stage in my life. I'm not getting as much exercise as I'd like (which reminds me that as soon as I'm done with this blog, I'm going to turn off my computer and do some yoga).

A lot of people ask me how I'm feeling, like they're expecting me to say that I'm in dreadful pain and that I'm sick all of the time. At first I was really turned off by foods that I normally liked, but overall, I was rarely sick and had very little to complain about. Now, other than the extra 2o pounds I've put on (and the fact that none of my regular clothes fit), I still don't have any complaints. The nosebleeds and the heartburn don't even register on the complaint meter because although bothersome, I'm still able to go about my day.

Overall, I don't feel any different. There are times when I actually seem to forget that I'm pregnant. (Is that bad?)

And you know what else? I don't think I look that bad, either. Besides the squishy middle (I really thought it wasn't supposed to look like fat rolls!) I'm still in decent shape. I don't consider myself a great looking person, but I'm comfortable with who I am, and I feel like I don't look that bad.

(And when I hear people say, "...well you look great" I hear, "you don't look too bad for someone in your condition...")

Thoughts on blogging

2009-05-29T16:51:00.000-07:00

In my last post I expressed frustration and confusion about blogging, and my "friends" (in quotes because although I love them, I've never met them in person!) have encouraged me to continue. I appreciate that encouragement...I know I will regret it if I don't do some journaling about this most incredible adventure.

I decided to turn to my trusty private blog for some of the more personal stuff. I've always been a private person. Besides Chris (with whom I never hold back--I can and do tell him anything and everything that comes to my mind), I really don't tell the people close to me what's going on in my head. It's nothing against them...maybe it's more embarrassment on my part. I don't like people knowing a lot about my emotions. It's easier to share the emotional (and occasionally weird) "stuff" with strangers because they're objective observers--what they see is what they get, and I never have to worry about being uncomfortable around them for saying what's on my mind. (I'm a very opinionated person--it doesn't mean that I judge people (unless they're not environmentally friendly, because to me, that's just being selfish), but I do believe in speaking the truth...and sometimes being put in my place if I'm being out of line!)

So I will keep blogging, but I'll save the really personal stuff for my blog. I'm even considering not fighting Chris as much when he wants to take a picture of me, but I promise you, I will not be putting those pictures on my blog!

Hairy baby?

2009-05-27T07:22:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been almost a week since my last blog post? I guess sometimes I just get sick of talking about pregnancy, but I know I'm going to regret not keeping some sort of a journal. I guess the truth is that although I want to remember this stuff, I don't want to publicize it. Maybe I need to start posting to my private journal.

Anyway, on and off for the last couple of weeks I've had heartburn pretty badly. It doesn't seem to be tied to what or when I'm eating...sometimes I get it right after I've eaten, sometimes I get it between meals, and no food seems to help calm it down. A few things seem to flare it up, like my beloved fruit smoothies. I only drink a smoothie occasionally now, which bums me out because that was one of the healthiest things I ingested. All of the other foods I seem to want are junky things. I've been eating more refined flours than usual (like soft pretzels and saltines) because those things have always seemed to calm my stomach when I haven't felt well.

My midwife recommended Papaya Mint, but I can't find it in the stores. Maybe I'll end up just buying papaya enzymes (which she also said would work) at the health food store. I don't want to go out and buy a bunch of different remedies because I don't know if this is going to be a temporary thing or if I can expect it for the next several weeks/months/years!

I had heard a long time ago that heartburn means a hairy baby, and that's what the lady at GNC said when I went in looking for Papaya Mint. Only time will tell...

My twelve-mile bike ride

2009-05-21T17:02:00.000-07:00

Chris and I love biking. Last summer we had a goal of biking 40 miles a week, but we liked it so much we upped our goal to 50. Our typical ride was 12-14 miles, and a couple times we did 20 miles.

This week has been absolutely gorgeous, so yesterday we took our first long ride. We did some riding in Virginia, but not too much. Anyway, I wasn't sure how well I'd do on a long ride, but we thought we'd give it a try because we really couldn't waste such great weather.

We got to the point where we could have taken the short loop or the long loop, and I felt good, so we took the long one. Besides being tired and a little stiff, I felt great after the ride. This morning, however, was a different story. My left leg (mostly in the quad area) hurt very much. (My right leg didn't hurt, which I thought was kind of weird, since both legs participated equally in the bike ride, but I also had surgery on my left knee, so that may have been part of the problem.)

I'm not big on taking medications when I'm not pregnant, so even though they say it's safe, I didn't want to take Tylenol for my leg. Thankfully, partway through the day the pain started to decrease. Now I feel alright, but I'm still taking a day off. Maybe tomorrow I'll be ready for another 12 miles. :)

Bloody nose

2009-05-19T17:21:00.000-07:00

This is really gross, but I'll share anyway...

Like everyone else, I get a bloody nose in the winter, but I found it a little weird when I blew my nose this morning and got a tissue full of blood instead of, you know, the usual stuff. I was fine all day, then this evening I blew my nose and got another tissue full of blood. I thought it would go away quickly like it did this morning, but nope...still bleeding. It's not gushing or anything, but it's also not stopping! I e-mailed my midwife to let her know what's up and to ask her to let me know if she had any concerns. (I e-mailed her before I realized that it hadn't stopped, so I might send her an e-mail tomorrow if I continue to have problems tonight.)

Also, for the last couple of days by the end of the day my back has been killing me. I'm not sure what I'm doing, but it really hurts! Last night I went to bed thinking the pain was going to keep me awake all night, but I slept relatively well and woke up with my back feeling just fine. Whew! But once again, my back started to stiffen up after I got home from work. Guess I'll hang up the laundry and then hopefully get to bed early enough that I can get my back to relax so I can sleep!

My adorable nephew

2009-05-17T07:31:00.000-07:00

This story has nothing to do with Blueberry, but rather my nephews, who I absolutely adore. They're my brother's boys, and you can see a picture of them below. Nate (middle) is 8, Trey (right) is 5, and Caleb (left) is 4. This picture was taken at the Buffalo Zoo in August, 2008.

They're such fun, funny kids, and they all have the best personalities. Trey is especially funny. He's had a good sense of humor since he started to talk, but half the time he says things that are HILARIOUS without even knowing he's being funny. My mom told me a story today that made me laugh so hard I couldn't breathe.

A little background: My brother is divorced and lives with my parents. He gets the boys every other weekend, but my parents are pretty much in charge of watching them, especially when my brother is working or at school. One weekend when my brother was off doing other things, my parents took the kids to the cemetery to tend the graves of my grandfather and great-grandparents. Trey asked my parents what my grandpa looks like "right now," and my mom explained that he's turned into dust (he passed away nearly 30 years ago). My dad was digging a hole to plant Hostas, and as he was digging, he hit something hard and it made a big clunking sound. Trey popped up from behind a grave stone and said, "Did you find him?" Apparently he thought my dad was digging up my grandpa! While that's kind of sad (joking at my late grandfather's expense), I think it's pretty funny, and to be honest, if grandpa were around to witness that, I'm sure he would have been laughing, too!

Cool

2009-05-17T07:27:00.001-07:00

Ultrasound

2009-05-16T16:09:00.000-07:00

We had an ultrasound today and it showed a healthy baby, which is all we really cared about. We didn't want to find out what it is--we want to enjoy the surprise. Of course, I have my feelings about what it is, but you never really know until it's born.

We learned that at the moment it's breech, but it's only 21 weeks and has the time and space to turn. My midwife will also keep an eye on that and if it's still breech when it's bigger, we can work on turning it before it gets too big to turn.

Speaking of too big, the ultrasound tech said that the baby is a little bit on the big side. According to BabyCenter.com, the baby is about 3/4 of a pound, but according to the measurements they took, it's more like 1lb to 1lb 2oz. I hope it levels off and this baby doesn't end up a monster!

I feel like I've been stabbed in the back

2009-05-15T17:43:00.000-07:00

You know, I'm not going to write about this. I thought about it and decided that I just don't feel like sharing the whole story. I will say that I have reason to believe that one of my friends (or maybe I should say "friends") was talking about me (and making judgments) to another person. Is everyone this disloyal? I certainly hope not, because that's pretty disheartening. Now I'm trying to decide if it would do any good for me to confront her or if I should just let it slide. I'm not a confrontational person (heck, I found it difficult to confront two 8th graders about harassing another student!), but I think that my friend needs to know how disappointed I am.

For someone who chooses to avoid the drama and to lead a happy, positive life, I seem to find myself wrapped up in so much garbage!

Missing Chris

2009-05-13T16:33:00.000-07:00

I didn't mean to sound overly dramatic in the subject line of this message, but it's true, I miss him. He left yesterday morning for Chicago and he'll be home late on Friday night. Life just isn't the same without him here. We're the kind of couple that actually likes being together! Weird, I know! A lot of women have husbands who travel a lot more than mine does, and I don't know how they do it. I guess it's just our personalities.

I suppose I could use some of this boring/lonely time to get some stuff done. I'm working on the guest list for my shower and I think that's coming along pretty well, but I'm still stressing a little bit. I'm still stuck in that "I don't want to make them feel obligated to come, but I don't want them to think that I don't want them there" cycle. I'd like to stick with people I know pretty well, but if I invite Ann (a teacher at my school) for instance, will Amanda (another teacher) be offended? It's not that I don't want Amanda there, because if she wanted to come, I'd certainly love to have her there, but I don't know as I really know her well enough to invite her out of the blue. And what about the ladies in the administrative office? I love them to bits, but would they want to spend a Sunday in July baby showering it up? Hard to tell! But again, if I invite them, I'm afraid that they'd feel obligated to come. And you know what? Some of the people I work with don't have a lot of disposable income, so do I just assume that they don't have enough to buy a present and refrain from inviting them? Because to be honest, their "presence," not their "presents" means more to me. (Corny, I know.) Actually, though, that's not even it. Their friendship means more to me than anything...even if they can't come to my shower, I'm thankful to have them as friends.

Do I overthink this? Probably. But I think that's just the way I am...I'm always worrying about what other people think. The good thing, though, is that people know me well enough to know that I'm NOT hung up on gifts and I won't be all offended if they don't come to my shower.

Freak show

2009-05-13T09:40:00.000-07:00

I just twittered this, but then realized that it would be a good topic for a blog...I'm starting to feel like a freak show. People are clearly staring at my middle when they walk by me. Students, teachers, doesn't matter. The days of eye contact seem to be over. I don't feel like I'm that big, but it's obvious that I look different! I'm wondering if I need to buy myself a maternity jacket that actually buttons...that may help me hide my bulge a little better. I can still wear my regular jackets but I can't button them anymore.

The Little Ultrasound That...Didn't Happen.

2009-05-11T15:04:00.000-07:00

Today was ultrasound day. I arranged it with my principal to take my lunch at 2:00 (even though I've probably only taken an actual lunch a few times in the six years I've been there!) so that I could make it to the hospital at 3:00. I went home first because the hospital is right around the corner from our house. Chris was home when I got there, and we walked over to the appointment.

They told me to arrive "with a pretty full belly of water." I left work at 2:00, so I went to the bathroom just before I left and refilled my Nalgene reusable water bottle (Chris' is exactly like this, and mine is pink) and drank it on the way home, but by the time I got home, I really had to pee again, so I figured I'd go since I'd be stuck in the waiting room for a while. I refilled my bottle again and drank it on the way to the hospital.

I got there and checked in, then they called me to do the insurance information and sent me back to the waiting room. Someone came out and called my name. Thinking that it was my turn, I started to stand up, but the tech walked over to me and said that they had some emergencies and that they were backed up. It would be 20-30 minutes, possibly longer. We sat for a few minutes and tried to decide what to do, then the lady from the billing department came out and asked if anyone had talked to us. She lightly recommended (more like hinted) that we look into rescheduling our appointment.

We went over to the window where the lady schedules appointments, and she was like "Oh, you don't want to wait...this doctor sent someone down and said that he wants her taken care of right away, and they have three other emergencies in there, so you could be waiting a long time." We had been looking forward to this for a long time, and just when it was within our grasp, it was yanked away. (Don't get me wrong, I know it could have been MUCH worse and we're thankful that it wasn't, but still, it did stink a little bit.)

We got home and Chris called Buffalo Ultrasound to see if we could get a Saturday appointment, and lo and behold, they were able to fit us in! Poor Chris will just be returning from Chicago late on Friday night and then we'll have to turn around and go to Buffalo on Saturday morning, but at least we don't have to wait too long to get it taken care of.

As I'm sitting on the couch typing this blog, I can feel Blueberry kicking up a storm as if to say, "Don't worry, I know you didn't get to see me today, but I'm still in here!"

The Registry

2009-05-08T18:25:00.000-07:00

We started a registry very early in the pregnancy. In fact, we started it the day we heard the heartbeat for the first time, right around 11 weeks. Other people who were in there starting their registries were clearly very pregnant, even more than I am right now. (Well, to be honest, I haven't quite reached that "clearly pregnant" stage. It's just that the people at work are used to me being very thin and now it's quite apparent that I've developed a bit of a bulge. People who don't really know me would probably not even play the "F or P" game on me.)

It seems like I hear a lot of people waiting until they're 25 or 30 weeks pregnant. It's kind of weird that I appear to be "ahead of the curve" because I'm not typically much of a planner. We've been working on this process for a couple months now, but there's a reason we're putting so much work into this. We're shopping around to find the products we need and the best prices. I really don't want a bunch of stuff that I don't need, which is why I probably won't be registering for things like a bottle warmer and other items that I just think are a waste of plastic. (Don't even get me started on wastefulness!) Once we find the item we want, we check the three main places we have registries (Target, Babies R Us, and Wal Mart) and find the best price on the item, and we register for it wherever we see the best price.

We also got a book of coupons from Babies R Us in the mail the other day, and Chris typed up the codes so that if people wish to shop for us (or for anyone else) online, they can save money with the codes.

It's kind of fun being a thrifty shopper!

Victoria's Secret

2009-05-08T18:01:00.000-07:00

I learned something last week that changed my life (and this pregnancy) for the better. Not that the pregnancy or the life are bad in the first place, but this discovery rocked my world. Victoria's Secret carries maternity bras!

We had coupons for $10 off a $10 purchase, so I picked out 10 pairs of underwear--Chris would buy 5 and I would buy 5 so we could both use our coupons. As we were heading to the register, a lady stopped us and asked us if we had heard about the in-store promotion--they were offering $5 coupons if you tried on one of their new bras. I explained several things: 1) I have more bras than I could possibly need, 2) I'm pregnant and don't want to buy any more until I have a better idea about what I'm going to need, and 3) We already had coupons to use. She said that we could stack the coupons and that they carried maternity bras (something I figure I'll have to buy anyway), so I went over and started trying on bras.

I ended up with a cute little black one that I soon discovered wasn't as cute as I thought it was. I tried it on before I went to bed. Chris looked at me blankly--he didn't even say the old stand by that he says when he doesn't like something but doesn't want to hurt my feelings. He just stared, as if to say, "Is this the turn my life has taken? My wife's lingerie has been replaced by full-coverage maternity bras?"

But still, I'm happy. I don't mean to be snobby about bras, but Victoria's Secret bras truly are the most comfortable bras I've ever worn. It was SUCH a relief to learn that I wouldn't have to give them up.

Who knew that Victoria's Secret gift cards would end up being the perfect baby shower gift??? ;)

Halfway There and People Making Assumptions

2009-05-07T16:41:00.001-07:00

Today marks 20 weeks! Oddly enough, it still doesn't seem quite real, even though it's becoming more and more obvious! I've been wearing other people's clothes and getting lots of compliments on them--It's nice to have generous friends with good fashion sense!

I'm kind of (or maybe I should say REALLY) annoyed with people making assumptions about me. The latest thing to tick me off was when I mentioned that I had cried during an assembly, and someone INSISTED that it's pregnancy hormones. Now, let me paint you a picture of this assembly. It was our prom assembly about drinking and driving. There was a mock accident involving four of our students. One student was arrested, one was air lifted to a hospital, one was taken away by ambulance...and one died. After the crash scene portion of the assembly was over, we all went indoors where there was a funeral for the student who died, and another student read the eulogy, which is when I really got choked up. The student doing the reading was crying, which just slayed me. (For the record, it made me cry when we did this assembly four years ago, too.) Then the principal got up to speak to the kids, and he also started to cry. I can usually manage to hold it together until I see someone else cry, and then when that happens, all bets are off.

I know myself pretty well. I certainly know myself well enough to know that my tears are not hormone induced. I have cried a grand total of three times since I've been pregnant, and all were for very valid reasons.

I know I seem really snarky when I complain about this stuff, but I hoped to use this blog as an outlet for my joys as well as my frustrations. And the joys outweigh the frustrations by a long shot. I'm very relaxed, very content, very excited, very much in love...all of those good emotions. But I feel like people are forcing negativity on me. If I were counseling myself, I would tell me to put an end to it at the source rather than to let it go on or to talk behind the person's back, so I'm about to send a very blunt e-mail asking the person to knock it off.

Being assertive does NOT make me a bitch.

Back to work today, and my pregnancy is the discussion topic in a class!

2009-05-05T17:22:00.000-07:00

Today we were back to work after our swine flu vacation. (FYI--the kid's case of swine flu was confirmed, so they weren't just overreacting, he really was infected!) It was pure chaos because I had to scramble to make up for the time I lost due to being out for two days. I know it's kind of weird, but I sort of like it when things are a little on the crazy side. People were in good spirits and incredibly supportive, so that makes all the difference in the world.

I'm becoming quite a star in my school. A couple teachers stopped me in the hallway and asked how I'm doing. They said that it's definitely obvious that I'm pregnant (even though I'm still small enough to fit into my regular jeans if I "suck it in" a little bit because before there was nothing there (their words). One student walked by and said, "How's your pregnancy going?"

Later in the day, one of my seniors approached me and said, "Are you noticing that a lot more people know you're pregnant? If they are, it's because you were the topic of discussion in government class today. We were talking about how stressful your job is and whether that's good for you and the baby." I was some weird combination of embarrassed and flattered, I think. I mean, it was cute that they were talking about me, but also a little...weird...that they were talking about me. I was thinking, 'At least they realize that my job is stressful!' I felt somewhat validated by that!

Also, a friend of mine at work gave me a HUGE bag of maternity clothes. I mean H-U-G-E! I could barely carry it, it was stuffed so full! And the stuff is so cute!!! I'm definitely going to have fun with these clothes, and I'm so grateful for her kindness! People have been so generous with me, it's really been incredible!