eating and sleeping

You know how it is--you want to keep a journal, whether it's about a vacation, about your job, about every day life...or about a new baby, but when you really want to write about something that's happening, you're too busy to do so. The very things you want to write about are the things that are keeping you busy! I'm finding that as Gabe approaches 5 months old, I've barely blogged/journaled about anything. I realized the other day when Chris and I were trying to remember when Gabe started sleeping with us that I haven't kept track of most of the changes that have happened. So once again, I'm vowing to try to make note of a few thins every day...

Today I gave Gabe a little more applesauce, but thinking that the flavor might be a little too tart for him, I made up some cereal and then put a little of both on the spoon at the same time. That seemed to cut some of the tartness. He still made some funny faces, but he acted like he wanted to keep eating.

Yesterday and today he woke up around 7:30, so I fed him and we both got up, but then he went down for a nap earlier than usual. He seems sleepier than usual the last couple of days. I've learned that he gets fussy when he gets tired, so when he starts to fuss, I just put him down and he usually goes to sleep. Occasionally he wakes up if his pacifier falls out, but if I put it in he usually falls asleep, and his naps are almost always one hour, give or take a couple minutes.

I kind of wonder what's "normal" for babies as far as naps are concerned. (I realize that there is no such thing as "normal," which is why I used quotes...some babies sleep through the night in their first month of life...some don't sleep through the night when they're 2 years old, but I guess I'm wondering what the average nap schedule is for a four-month-old). He is usually awake for around 1.5 hours and then sleeps for an hour, up for 1.5 hours, asleep for an hour. At night he wakes up two or three times to eat but almost always goes right back to sleep. I'm trying to use his nap time to get stuff done around the house, but since he wakes up at the tiniest little noise, I tend to try to keep it quiet or I'll do things upstairs so he can't hear me.

And speaking of getting things done, I'm going to take advantage of this nap time.

laughter

Yesterday we were getting ready to give Gabe a bath.

Ok, apparently the rest of the story I wrote above didn't save...I'll have to retype.

We went into the bathroom and he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and let out a laugh. He has been laughing for a long time, but this was real belly laughter--so cute!

Gabe tried applesauce for the first time this afternoon. Not so sure he liked it...he made some awful faces!

Gabe in his Sabres hat

This hat is way too big for him at this time, but since we don't really have another hat that fits him better, we put this on him when we go out. I think he likes it!

 

Link to a pic of Gabe

I haven't offloaded pictures of Gabe in a while, but I did post one on Twitter, and I thought I'd put a link here for you to see. I'll post a pic directly to my blog as soon as I get the pictures in order.

http://twitgoo.com/cj9zl

Thank you so much for reading my blog. I'm truly honored!

My wish for Gabriel

I entered a contest to win something from the Earth's Best web site. (This is so sad...it took me about 3 days to fill out the simple registration form, and now I don't remember what the prize is!) But anyway, they ask that you type up a wish for your child's future, so here's what I wrote:

We wish for you to grow up in a clean, green world where people remember the other two Rs: Reduce and Reuse! We want you to find value in the simple things rather than in material possessions, and to spread kindness and warmth to everyone you meet.

bad dog

This has nothing to do with "Blueberry," but I just had to share what happened last night. I actually copied and pasted an email I sent to my mom since I'd write the same thing here (I'm lazy!). I added some comments in parentheses.

I got home last night and Xander (our black lab) had been tied up all day. We tie him so he can go into the mudroom our outdoors. (We started doing this after he started destroying the house...before that he was an indoor dog.) We have his crate out there and Chris put a pad in it and a blanket over it so it would be a little bit warm for X. When I got out of the car, he was barking like crazy (as usual), but when I got to the mudroom I saw that he had torn open a bag of grass seed and fertilizer, and messed with a few other things (it looks like he tried to pull his crate out the door, etc...).

At 3am when I was feeding Gabe, Xander was up, wandering around the house and being a royal pain, and I knew something was up. I got up and saw a mess on the bedroom floor...I'm guessing it was poo, but it was just a spot, not a pile. I went to the kitchen and found a puddle of "mystery goo"...mostly clear with some bits in it. I let him out and he pooped immediately. I'm guessing he was sick from something he got into. I swear, we can remove every object from his reach and he'd STILL find something to get into!

(The issues with our dog go back to last November, so I know the story is hard to follow. Questions are welcome for clarification.)

reality

Reality is setting in, and with it seems to be an unhealthy dose of depression. Maybe calling it "unhealthy" is a bit of an exaggeration, as I'm still fully functional, I'm just overwhelmingly sad and feeling very inadequate.

Gabe got two shots yesterday, and although it clearly only hurt him for a second, I can't get his reaction out of my head. People say I need to toughen up because he's going to feel a lot of pain in his life, but that brings up two points: One is that to me, there's a difference between pain that's inflicted and pain that's the result of an injury. A couple years ago, my knee started acting up to a point where I could hardly walk, but I was more bothered by the blood work the doctor sent me in for to check for infection. And the truth is that it really wasn't painful, but I can't stand the idea (or the practice) of jabbing needles into helpless babies. It just seems so cruel. All night long I kept thinking about how Gabe jumped when they stuck him.

I also feel like a tremendous loser. Many people have babies and go back to work when they're six weeks old. I stay in bed with my four month old until he wakes up, which is sometimes after nine. How am I going to go back to work when I clearly can't function like a normal adult?

And that leads me to another issue about myself...why am I such a loser? I'm beginning to think I'm not good at anything. I'm OK at my job, but I'm pretty disorganized and scatterbrained, which has to drive people nuts. I'm disorganized at home, which has to drive Chris nuts. I like to make things, but nothing people would actually want, so there's not much of a chance that I'd ever be able to supplement my income with projects.

I really wish I could find my strength, but sometimes I feel like I don't have one. In fact, I've never felt weaker in my life. I just don't feel cut out for this new role. I love my son more than I ever thought possible, but I feel like a terrible mom, wife, and employee. I've always known I'm a bit "soft," but I didn't realize it would be such a debilitating characteristic when I became a mom.